--l.i.f.e--

-s.i.m.p.l.e l.o.v.e-

2011-11-19T10:55:00.001+08:00

How I wish I could have a love which is simple….
I stop blogging for more than a year, it’s because here is not a place which I could freely express my feeling anymore. My gf read my blogs, and after reading, the only thing she felt is angry, but not trying to understand me more and be more caring to me. That’s why hiding it to myself is better to avoid unnecessary arguments.

It’s like a never ending argument which we quarrel for all small things. Why can’t it be simple, why can’t she accept me for who I am, and why I need to pretend to be someone I am not? I stay with her, but she never understands what I want before. I don’t need anything; all I want is her to be happy and safe. I feel very tired to live a life of being what she wanted me to be. I am tired of arguments.

She always say that what I said hurt her a lot. What will you feel when you know you’re another part keep telling others that you are not the right person? This is what hurt the most.

I really think that I should let go, but always, I can’t. I’m worry that she will suffer if I’m not by her side to take care of her. I need to train her to be more independent…

Sorry that I love you….

-G.o.o.d B.y.e-

2010-05-16T19:47:00.006+08:00

Argh, quarrel again….and the reason this time is, her exam is coming and I rush her to study after she wake up. Time is not enough already as in another 2 days time we will be going Phuket. And if she fail again, she will face a lot trouble this time. I do not want to be culprit that causes her to fail the exam. She spends too much time on me and neglected her studies and end up getting lecture by her family. I do not want to get blamed for all these, and I do not want to see her in trouble as well. Because everytime when she’s in trouble, I’m in dilemma too. Sometimes I feel very useless when I couldn’t help at all. I see her eating her breakfast and I ask, faster go study, if you cannot finish study then we have to cancel the phuket trip. And there she goes, angry me for not understanding her. She studied till very late(2am, and that’s the normal time that she sleep) and she wake up at 12pm. And it’s not any day but last 2 days to study for her exam. So what you think I need to do? Sit there and chat with her? And then regret later when she cannot finish studying and still need to go Phuket? This is what a bad boyfriend will do, just play with the girlfriend and make her neglected her studies. I rather she hates me now than to hate me later, as long as she won’t regret it next time.

Some people tell me, hey, you treat your girlfriend too good, don’t spoil her. But I think that treating girlfriend good is a must. And some people tell me, hey, I can feel that your girlfriend love you very much. I don’t need people to know that I treated you good, I don’t need people to know you love me very much, I don’t need you to buy things for me during valentine, birthday nor anniversary, I don’t need all these from you, I just need one thing, which is, understanding. Quarrel should not and must not be a way to show that I care for you, nor a way to show that I’m wrong. Every human did a mistake, I did a lot of mistakes myself too. I may not talk nicely to you, may not always smile infront you, may not talking things that you wanted to listen. Please bear in mind that what I do is always something which I think is good for you, so do not be angry with me when I’m trying to do something for you(even if it doesn’t help).

Now that you ask me to disappear from your life, I have nothing else to say.

Good bye.
I’m really tired of be the one who always initiate to apologize when in quarrel. I have my own pride and I have my own limit. Why can’t you just do it once when we’re quarreling? And when I’m initiating it, why can’t you just forgive me and not overdo it? Have you ever think of my feeling when you’re scolding me like dog and I have to accept everything that you said? Everytime when I coax actually my heart is very pain, I was thinking, why can’t my girlfriend be caring and understanding? I know what will your response be when you are reading this, but this is really from my heart….
我永远怀念你
温柔的情怀念你
热红的心怀念你
甜蜜的吻怀念你
那醉人的歌声
怎能忘记这段情
我的爱再见
不知哪日再相见
我的爱我相信
总有一天能再见

女.人.不.该.让.男.人.太.累

2010-05-16T13:42:00.002+08:00

我找不到天堂也摘不到月亮
对不起让你失望
你的渴望对我是很难
太多人比我强也承认我平凡
我已经拼命追赶
你的眼神请别那么冷淡
就算再付出我都撑得住
我不怕辛苦苦到什么地步
只要你满足但你何时满足
爱的好累真的好苦
女人不该让男人太累
虽然你是我的一切
也别让我感觉爱你很可悲
爱的好累真的好苦
从来听不见你一句赞美
从来听不见你一句安慰
就算我作的都白费
至少自尊让我保留一点
爱的好累真的好苦
我不怕辛苦可是怎样你才满足
爱的好累

-s.o.m.e.w.h.e.r.e i.t (m.y h.e.a.r.t) b.e.l.o.n.g-

2010-05-10T22:47:00.001+08:00

A lot of things happening, having my own things to bother with, at the same time, need to settle issues for love one. I feel so damn tired. Two most important women around me are trying to get everything out of me, but how much could I give? I can never satisfy both sides.

Before going to Japan, we actually quarreled, and was separated for about 6 days. Frankly speaking, I wasn’t having good time in Japan as I am upset why we quarreled before I leave, why can’t let me have a good trip. I was sad during the whole trip, and totally no contact with her. These 6 days is like 6 weeks for me.

After back from Japan, I purposely don’t want to call her and let her find me first instead. And end up, quarrel again. From that time onward, my heart is tearing into pieces and piece by piece went missing after each argument. I don’t know how many pieces left and I don’t know when my heart will be dying.

I am a person that cannot provide good solution for other people’s scenario, the best that I can do is just to analyze the situation with that person in the scenario. And the decision making is still on the person’s hand, what I can do is just to give pro and cons in every decision that the person made.

Perhaps I’m too lengthy in my explanation. Perhaps I shouldn’t answer or give my own opinion but to tell what the person expecting me to tell. And this would at least minimize the chances of quarrel. I really don’t like quarrel as good time will pass, and will miss a lot of opportunities. I really hope that one day; I will talk less about my opinion and to say what people wanted to listen only.

-m.y h.e.a.r.t, m.y l.o.v.e, a.n.d p.e.r.h.a.p.s-

2010-03-20T01:30:00.004+08:00

You’ve always been a very special person in my life, never expect we could be so close when we first met. We’re sweet and loving for the past half year, but now, problems seems to come when both of us start pointing out our own weaknesses. I’m a person that feels very insecure when my girl friend is very pretty and having a lot of admirers, this is because I’m having very low confidence in myself. That’s why I always say or do something to make her angry, and if she’s angry, this mean that she still care for me, this is the only way I can feel the love sometimes. Perhaps what I’m doing aren’t supposed to be done.

I also admit I’m a lousy boyfriend, I couldn’t give her Chanel, LV, Gucci and Prada, I couldn’t make her smile everyday, I couldn’t bring her travel around the world, I couldn’t make her proud, I couldn’t make her say that she’s the happiest women on earth. There’s so many better option for her out there who can give her all this, and this make me feel even worse, even more useless.

I can feel that there’s a gap between us, you’re too afraid to voice out what u really want, until sometimes I think you’re afraid of me. I feel really bad for being a scary person, and I’m very disappointed with myself. Now, I can feel that the love that you had for me is lesser and lesser each day. One thing that hasn’t change is my love for you. I still love you with all my heart. I will cherish you every now and then. You don’t seem like you have anything to talk to me, just reply me a word or two. I really don’t know what’s in your mind now; I do not know whether you’re angry? You need my comfort? Or you don’t love me anymore.

I’m worried now. I don’t know whether I am your Mr. Right or not anymore. The things you want are so different from me, even though I’m trying to change, but sometimes it’s never enough. My attitude needs a very long time to change. My heart are closing in, I don’t know how long it can last. Perhaps, my destiny is to be alone. Things that did not belong to you cannot be hold for long. There’ll be a day, when tears doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. And that will be the day, you last see me.

-P.a.i.n-

2010-03-03T00:28:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really angry for being lazy, why would I be lazy to reply GF’s comment, why I just reply a “don’t know” and just make her sad and feel bad.

My heart, is hurt again. Not because of she said something to hurt me, but, she say something to hurt herself, and this hurts me more than anything that she say to hurt me.

Argghh, I feel so helpless now….what can I do!!!!
Guess it would be a sleepless night for me. Just hope that tomorrow won’t be a hard day working with boss

-M.i.s.s.i.n.g h.e.r-

2010-03-02T09:19:00.002+08:00

Since 11th February, I am with her everyday until she goes back on 28th. We do almost everything together, watching her smile when I tease her, laugh when I do something stupid, angry when I did something wrong, cry when I didn’t comfort her, watching her study, and sharing her happy experience. After she went back for exam, I feel that something really missing in my life. No mood in doing anything since then, can’t really sleep, can’t really watch drama, I can’t really think. When I see her online, I wanted to talk to her so much, but, worry that I will disturb her study and she couldn’t finish studying, I choose to be silent. Separating few days is just like separating for weeks.

When I am alone, keep thinking that what I should do when I go Singapore, Lab or sales, Lab or sales. I decided to choose lab, as working as sales really very tired. What worries me the most is that what will my life be when this love fades, when one day she don’t love me anymore. A lot of what if come across my mind, really cherish her with whole of my life and really hope that this love would last forever.

Bad temper is one of my weaknesses, really need to change it. Starting this 2010, I’ve been very unlucky; perhaps God is asking me to slow down, be more aware of the surroundings, try to care the feelings of other people. I admit that the way that I talk to my parent is really not that good but I will try to change, they’ve been very patience with me. I really hope that I’m not lazy when comes to entertaining people, because just a couple of minutes will brighten up people’s life.

-i.n.s.e.c.u.r.e.-

2010-02-10T04:48:00.003+08:00

As what I know about myself, if you are the one for me, then you will have everything from me, and vice versa.

After doing so much things, received a worst comment “ You never do anything for me “. And it really hurts. Words hurt more than any other things does, just a simple word can make you feel miserable for the whole day. Sometimes, the words may not mean anything to you, but, it has the ability to break something- the heart. The next time you are tempted to say something hurtful to someone just because you’re angry, you might want to stop and remember this story. I still remember this story, and it goes like this,

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, “You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.”

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said “I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you.”
“Of course I can,” said the father.

I’m very agree with this story, there’s no such thing as “I’m sorry and I would like to take back my words”. Come’ on, it’s already goes into the ear and printed in the brain, no way you can take it back. People might forgive you but the heart is already like the fence, full of holes. If you still keep adding nails to the heart, the heart will one day, be broken. Everything will be too late, you will lose something.

I just received a sms which says like this. “ I hate you, don’t blame me if I do anything wrong”. What’s this? A threat? This short sentence really make me think a lot, and made me afraid as well. Never expect this short sentence can make me feel so insecure, and feel like giving up. Sometimes, in love, what is needed the most, which is the base or foundation of LOVE is, trust.

Trust is needed to make everything works, trust will give the basic thing that slowly build part of the relation, security. Why nowadays so many couples betray each other? It’s because that they don’t feel secure enough with the current one and tend to find a backup just in case anything happen. People just doesn’t want to hurt too deep. And the backup is like a 2nd runner up, even you can’t be the winner, you still have a 2nd runner up. And this sentence also starts all this. And it also means that if happen that she find a backup, then I can’t blame her? I make all of these happened. This is what the sentence mean exactly.

At this very moment, I felt very insecure. Doesn’t know that whether meeting the parents is the right choice to make or not? And wondering everything I do for her is it worth or not? Will I be stupid just like I did before? So many questions arise from this short sentence. Arghhhhh, just hope that I can get rid of this as soon as possible.

射手座的男人

2010-02-07T21:32:00.000+08:00

射手座的圖型，是個半人半馬的弓箭手，用這樣的圖型來形容射手座的男人真是太貼切了。拿著弓箭的手永遠瞄準遠方，然後駿馬一般向前奔馳，那就是「他」。

射手座的男人興趣很多，涉獵很廣泛，但恐怕每一樣都不會研究得很徹底。正因為他的興趣廣泛，跟很多人都可能有交集，因此他會有許多不同類型的朋友。有的朋友陪他聊政治，有的陪他打球，有的跟他一塊作生意。他很忙，很少有射手座的男人會給人一種閒著沒事做的感覺。尤其當他突然對什麼新鮮事物發生興趣的時侯，可能全心投入好一陣子，其他的事情（包括你）全被暫時拋在腦後去了。

當你剛開始跟一位射手座男人交往時，會有一段蜜月期——你是最讓他感興趣的人。之後，你是否能讓他保持熱度，就得看你的本事了，因為讓一個射手座的男人把心思長期專注於談情說愛上，的確是很困難的事。

他是個絕對的樂觀主義，心中有無數遠大的理想，卻經常容易忽略眼前的問題，因此常在加速向前衝的時侯，一不小心就栽到水溝裡去了，在他身邊的女人偶爾提醒一下他的粗心是很好的，但如果在他對你高談闊論他遠大計劃時，潑他一盆冷水，那就真是讓他討厭極了。其實，你真的不必太過擔之他的「安危」，因為樂觀的射手座男子，並不容易被一些小挫敗擊倒，反而事實的教訓會幫助他成長，讓他下一次小心點。

很多射手座的男人都有點「不信邪」，當你嚴厲的告訴他什麼事不可行的時侯，他卻偏要試一下才甘心。我不知道你碰到這種情況了沒有？如果有，請千萬不要落井下石，在旁邊說風涼話，你當心他會惱羞成怒哦！最好換一種方式，你可以說：「你做的比我原先預計的好多了，你真有一套！下一次只要把…改一下，保證萬無一失。」

他肯定會覺得你太夠意思，太了解他了。射手座的男人很少真的覺得沮喪。萬一不幸發生這種情況，當然就是你表現的時侯囉！

很多人說射手座的男人花心，其實我倒覺得應該說他是很喜歡跟很多女人真心交往，花言巧語的欺騙不是他的方法。前面我就說過，他是很容易與人發生交集的，對女生當然也是一樣，一旦他感覺跟某個女生有些投契的地方，他就會很愉快，很真誠的付出他的友誼和感情。其實射手座的男人愈成熟，就愈希望找到一個真正與他心靈相投的伴侶，只可惜他們多半都不是細細觀察，慢慢投入的類型，因此總是很容易開始，很容易失望，於是很容易結束，射手座的男人很少會存心始亂終棄的。

就像是一壼茶倒滿了很多杯子，你能說哪一杯不是茶嗎？對每一個人他都很真誠，如想要真正擁有他，只有把自己變成個超級大杯子，讓他把所有的茶全倒進來囉！

首先，你要興緻勃勃的聽他說遠大的計劃，偶爾提醒他一些細節，讓他驚訝你的智慧。

第二，你要會陪他玩，多數射手座男子對戶外運動都很有興趣，當他帶你去參加社交場合時，千萬別擺張老K臉。

第三，射手座男人很愛跟朋友辯論，你要很感興趣的聽，然後在適當時機幫個腔，使他理論立於不敗之地。更重要的是，千萬不要限制他的自由。對於多數射手座的男人來說，自由是他們的寶貝，「不自由毋寧死」，他愛你是真的，願意和你廝守終生也是真的，但是他不會因此放棄他追求自由的權利。射手座的男人，絕不是可以被拴在腰帶上的丈夫，這一點你一定不要忘記。

射手座的男往往不會詳細的向你報告行蹤，尤其是事前，他更不會一副徵求你批准的態度。如果你東問西問，他很有翻臉的可能。有位射手座的男人，因為晚上臨時有事，不能陪女朋友吃晚飯，於是他打了個電話給他的女友。

「喂！今天晚上有事，不能陪你吃飯了。」

「哦！什麼事啊？」

「公事！」

「什麼公事啊？」

「關你什麼事啊？」他有點火大了。

「跟什麼人一起去？」

「要你管？」

「我也要跟你去！」女朋友也火大了。

「不行！」

「為什麼不行！」

「我說不行就是不行！」

卡的一聲，就把電話給掛了。

當然，你可能沒有這麼倒楣，碰上這麼一個壞脾氣的射手座男人。不過，我還是勸你不要做個福爾摩斯，你的射手座男人恐怕沒有亞森羅蘋的幽默感。

你愈給他自由，他愈坦白。

有時侯射手座男人的直率也會讓人有點受不了，他的直腸子有時會傷你的心，有時會讓你下不了台。如果想要愉快的相處，你必須學習適應，而且欣賞他不會拐彎的坦率性格。

當然你也有自由發展你的世界。他通常忙碌的沒時間去限制你。想要欺瞞一個射手座的男人，是件很容易的事，但是如果讓他發現，將會造成無法彌補的裂痕，「真誠」是他最重視的相處之道。他會尊重你的自由一如尊重他己的一樣，你會有很大的空間發揮自己的事業和興趣。但是我仍然建議你多方面盡量配合他，否則他什麼時侯掉進了別人的情網你都不知道！

-n.v.e.r. l.u.c.k.y-

2010-01-28T12:44:00.001+08:00

I'm lucky in a way that I'm never lucky. This can be best described by: I'm still alive and there's no achievement. This is also one of the reasons I did not celebrate my birthday.

Always,when i'm happy, then something bad will happen. this is why I live a boring life. Dare not to be to excited when I'm having something because I know that I wont have it for long.

Sometimes I realise that I need to learn to let go, but sometimes, when something just gone like that, no matter how also you will feel sad about it.

-w.o.r.s.t-

2010-01-26T20:23:00.001+08:00

Today is a very bad day for me. Nothing seems to goes right for me, everything are against me.

Felt weak after eating hydroxycut, fatigue is the word to describe it. I force myself to stay alert and be ready for work. Then, boss called, he said that one of my customers doesn’t entitle for the promotion. I felt neglected by my company as I am an outstation rep and not an in based rep. However, the treatment that I get from my company is half-half. I neither get the benefit of in based rep nor outstation rep. When there are any news or updates from the company, I always missed out. Then, nevermind, luckily the doctor forgotten the promise I’ve made. So I just managed to get over it. The whole day I run here and there looking for orders, if no then will get nagged by my boss again. He is good but then he doesn’t have time to for everyone under him, he’s very forgetful one but yet very demanding one. After that, just found out that my online business the post had been deleted for unknown reasons.

Then GF is angry at me. I have no idea why she angry at me again. When I’m keeping all unhappy things and just wanna chat with her, wanted to tease her, then, she’s angry again. I couldn’t see her everyday, because we’re 400 km apart and I feel miserable when she’s ignoring me at that far. Called her few times, sms her few times, and she just reply me in a very ignoring way.

What hurt the most is…the word “break up” can be easily voiced out or raised out. It really hurt…always, she’s just kidding and I know that she wouldn’t leave me. But now, I realize that if the word can easily be raised out. This show how important is me in her heart. I’m not that important after all, since I can be let go that easily.

Then, she removed the status in facebook. I then decided not to online anymore, no more facebook(deleted), msn(deleted) and any online related stuff.

-m.i.n.d r.e.a.d.e.r-

2009-12-10T08:19:00.002+08:00

Everyone is a mind reader, as long as they close enough with a person, understand a person, then, they’re the mind reader. However, the most complicated cases would be the female’s mind. Men are more to logic thinking and women are more towards the emotional part. This is why their thinking is hard to understand, predict and acceptable. Women easily changed by environmental factors, peers, and media. At one second they might smile at you, the other second they might just ignore you.

Being a mind reader is very tiring, mentally exhausting, especially someone you love. You can’t ignore what they’re thinking and you have to keep guessing, guessing and guessing. They wouldn’t tell you or hint you until you guess it correctly. On the other hand, women will never be a mind reader. They only need to know their own feeling and make sure that men understand theirs. When women want to know what men is thinking, they will just ask, and men, you better speak out, or you will remain silent forever.

-s.h.e i.s; s.h.e i.s-

2009-10-24T21:47:00.002+08:00

It’s almost 2 months from the day, and now, everything seems quite ok to me, feel very comfortable, still very happy. Actually after my previous relationship, I lost trust on girls, now, I found someone who worth my trust. Hopefully she does and deserves it. To be honest, I doubted this relationship before; as there are still things I remain unknown about her, her past mainly. Sometimes when I say that I don’t care about the past, but sometimes, I feel that I do care about the past.

However, I really feel happy with this relationship, although I make her cry few times, she still love me very much and so do I, I never think that love can be so wonderful, especially when you can feel that someone is care for you, wanted to do things to cheer you up. Even though she’s not good at it, but at least she tried. And I really can feel it. Unlike previous one, totally crap. I ever wonder how I could stand it for almost a year. Since she try to change all the thing I don’t like, I also trying to change my attitude, trying to hold my temper and be more patient to her.

The only problem now is distance, she’s like about 300km from me, and very seldom we can meet each other, just hope that I can sort things out. Finding the best solution, and also hope that she can finish her study soon. Don’t play already, study hard ok?

Nowadays, I become very hardworking, just because I have an aim now; unlike last time, very often I will snake, I learn to focus and learn to work hard, nothing comes easily, everything comes after hardwork. Easy things wouldn’t last long. Human is greedy, so do I, I’m a very greedy person and I dare to admit it. Nothing seems to be enough for me, I always wanted more, more and more. That’s why I need to work hard, harder and harder. Learning, playing, working, and focusing is very important for me now. This is my new year resolution.

-l.i.f.e w.i.t.h. t.w.o, a.g.a.i.n-

2009-09-05T08:42:00.003+08:00

Finally, after few months of fishing (pulling a bit, let go a bit), she finally got hook. Before that, we both were almost giving up on each other because of the uncertainty that we face. Because everything seems so nice at the beginning and it almost end up with arguments, conflicts and disappointments. The cold war happens for almost one month where I did not really talk to her and she is also ignoring me. Perhaps, because I’ve got bad impression towards love because of the previous ex that I had. And, I always thought that long distance relationship will not work. And also, from the way we met, it all sounded funny and I have no idea why she will have some feelings towards me.

Until one day, a friend of mine wanted to go to Singapore, then, I actually having this weird feeling about this. Whether should I meet her or should I not. As the response she gave me for the past few weeks is really as cold as ice. She doesn’t really care about me anymore. Just because she wanted to find me and I ask her not to come. And also, when she decided to give me a surprise by coming down and let a fat friend fetching her. Ended up, she didn’t come because they both were splash with cold water. Since then she doesn’t really care, or should I say, she pretended not to care about me.

Then, after dinner in Singapore, my friend asks: hey, you got any friends here? Ask them out, we’ll go to pub later. Then, I smsed her and date her out. Then we actually go to club. Clubbing in Singapore is not really as fun as I thought, I always thought that the people there are more civilized and will have a great time there. But who knows, the people there are even worse than KL. And there she goes, she and me was in the club. In the club, she gave me a feeling that she’s not into me anymore. So that night, most of the time I was standing, looking at the crowd and TV. Many things happened in the club, too lazy to detail. After that, I walk her back to her home. And we don’t talk much, just a “bye” and I walked away.

And this is all it starts again….

-l.i.f.e w.o.u.l.d.n.t b.e .i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t.i.n.g i.f.....-

2009-06-20T20:52:00.003+08:00

Finally i know who is leng lui already. And as what i predicted, really not a leng lui. Today not in the mood to blog. Too many things i wanted to write.

Life, is very amazing thing. It is, ……….to be continue

I don't know how to blog anymore....haiz, don't know how to write......

-d.r.e.a.m-

2009-06-17T13:51:00.001+08:00

Sleep very early yesterday, because I’m very tired.  This sound very familiar, am I right? It’s the common reason why we sleep early, and what to do? I’m really tired. Yesterday I dream of many things, glad that I can still remember my dream.

1st dream, I dream that I’m back to school days, wearing school uniform, and hanging out with friends. But, I know none of them, new faces. Was walking, from a mamak stall back to school, and walking, walking and keep walking…..what a tired dream!!! I walk enough during day time, and in dream also I dream of walking. I’m really lifeless.

2nd dream, I dream about I joined a course, and on the first day of class, I saw her in my class, sitting at the last row. I couldn’t really recognize her, as I told before, she look like a stranger to me. During the time, I din even look at her, and I wonder if she’s looking at me or not. This is why people say: never ever think of something you don’t want to dream of, or else, you will dream of it.

3rd dream, I just remember I’m running all the time. At the beginning, I was playing at the playground. Then, I started to run into a house ( I think is my house in the dream ). It was an apartment. Then, running out from the house, going through the playground, jumping off the fence, passed by few shops, then to the alley, then to the field and then, I wake up.

What a weird dream I had.

I come across this blog, and i have totally no idea what she wrote. Her style of writing is very good, perhaps just like those novel. Maybe I'm not that kinda material that can understand it. And.....I don't read!!!
Just to share it with you all.
blog: http://quaintly.net/

-g.o.t c.a.r.r.i.e.d. a.w.a.y-

2009-06-15T20:06:00.006+08:00

Everything I am, everything I am not; says that I am, but actually I am not; thought that I could, but the fact is I couldn’t; expect what I wanted it to be, comes out with disappointment; fly up to the sky, falls down injured badly. What goes around comes around, and what comes around goes around; nothing remains.

My laptop follows me everywhere, going through with me with ups and downs, pain and sorrows, share my happiness and my homework of course. It’s like my best friend. However, I do not want to be at home all the time, I wanted to go out always, but I couldn’t find anyone that shares the same interest as me. I’ve got so many things to do, no people to share, and no people to do it together. However, I still long for a day I can travel around and learn about other cultures and their art of living.

Recently, really got carried away because I just broke up, and stood up very quickly because I got encouragement from friends. But, I stood up too soon that I’m actually flying before I learn to stand still. Talking things I shouldn’t, doing things I shouldn’t, dreaming things that I couldn’t and hurting those that I wouldn’t. I felt sorry after they left me one by one. And now, I got no one to talk to, no people to go movie with and no more sharing among each other. Now that I know what happen to me, being too proud, self confidence too high, dare to talk and not shy anymore. And I realize that people don’t really like the changes I’ve made.

So now, I decided to slow down, and change back to the same old person I used to be, and the same old Shi Wei that all people will like. Lower down self esteem, talk lesser, and shy should be best describe me in the past, and also the future. The present me shall be left behind.

-s.t.a.r.b.u.c.k.s a.g.a.i.n-

2009-06-15T11:34:00.004+08:00

Well, here I am today again in Starbucks. I’m so in love with Starbucks, especially after I know that with Jusco card you can get 10% discount. For me, the coffee here is so much better compare to coffee bean, time really pass by very fast when I’m here. I do a lot of thinking (even though not meaningful one) here. But then, I really couldn’t think of anything to write for now. When I was driving not long ago, I think of many things to write, but when I really sitting down here and wanted to write about it. I don’t know where to start.

I wanted to write about life, living, and the art of living. How many of people in this world live just for 3 meals a day? How many of them live just to raise their children? How many of them live just to pay the car and house installment? And how many of the people having a lot of assets and need not worry about living? Today, I wanted to talk about the purpose of living as most of the people forget about it.

Everything happens for a reason, we can’t blame anyone for anything that happens on us, anything that happened actually teaching us something. For example: Aiks, can’t think of any. What’s the purpose we’re here today? How many 10 years do we have? (This remind me of the multi level network favorite quote) I’m 23 this year, and when I go for interview, they asked: what’s the greatest achievement in your lives so far? I couldn’t answer this. I don’t want to lie and also, I couldn’t make up any. Anyone can share about what’s your greatest achievement in live? I seek to achieve something big when I’m 25 years old. But somehow, I realize that I’m a bit too aggressive. So now, I decided to slow down, and focus on what I suppose to do now. I’m working for a company and I have the responsibility to perform what I suppose to do. Need not to envy those who already started, but to move towards there step by step.

By slowing a bit can actually make u see how wonderful the world is. In this 2009, everyone is rushing, rushing for everything, work, lunch, vacation, entertainment, and also appointment. By relaxing, or slowdown just for a few minutes, everything becomes so nice, so wonderful, and enjoying. I’m learning to slow down when I start to sweat a lot, my whole shirt will be wet if I’m rush, even walking out from my room to the car. So guys, please forgive me if I’m late, I tried to be punctual already. Not just this, I need to learn to slow down when I talk, or when I buy, or when I do something.

Learn to be slow, mind not to be slow, but enjoy the moment when you’re slow.

-r.a.n.d.o.m. m.e-

2009-06-10T21:42:00.003+08:00

People : hey, you got girl friend?
Me : nopz, dun have. You got any want to intro to me?
People : don’t have, how come you don’t have any?
Me : why would you think I will have any? No people want to intro me also.
People : don’t lie; I know you got many one.
Me : really don’t have~
People : I don’t think you need people to intro.
Me : …………………………………..

This happen always. So don’t ever ask me if I got any girlfriend if you did not want to intro any to me!!!!

Well, sometimes got frustrated by people, always say I know a lot and refuse to intro any to me. Reasons? I look like a playboy!! Damn it!!! well, sometimes I also wish that I know a lot and need not them to intro me any of them. But, the truth is, always opposite with what we want it to be. Sometimes, I look at myself, wondering why I don’t have any girlfriend? ( after my ex I mean ). Any girl fall for me please raise your hand…….ok, none. I got it!!

I’m average guy that deserves an average girl. People will say, u want pretty one sure can’t get. This is because I will never get what I aimed for, so I have to aim higher, and get those that below it. What a life that an average person will live? Not tall, but not short; not handsome, not ugly also; not rich, but not very poor; not too good; but not bad after all; and what else? Sometimes when I get things that I don’t deserve, I ask myself: do I deserve such things?

I really need to quit my online addiction, no more msn, no more facebook, (happy cuz i quit frienster )though someone I really likes live in there. But, I still need to wake up and eat, back to the reality world which is so materialistic. Cuz everyday when I work, I think of her, want to come back early just to talk to her, to see her. However, realizing things doesn’t work that way. I really need to draw a line and quit!!! And search for the world outside that really belongs to me. Somewhere I belong.

-a.l.m.o.s.t. u.n.r.e.a.l-

2009-06-10T21:05:00.012+08:00

Everything is real, unreal, or almost unreal? Sometimes, you may believe in something you hear and you really trust your heart. And at this time, one person come and tells you: “hey, don’t be stupid, it’s not like that”. So what will you do? Listen to him, and changed your believes? Or to listen to him, keep that as reference and did not believe him fully. Well, for me, I am the second type of person, will listen and will not change. This group of people trusts no people but themselves. They can do anything once they successfully convinced themselves that something is true. They are either the most successful man, or the man that encounter failures the most.

Let’s come back to my story, I ever believe that something is so real, till I dream on and on, waiting for it, hoping that it is true. However, it always let me down. What is the saddest were things that I didn’t expect it would happen, it happened. And things that I hope that it will become real, it will never happen. For example, I know you all will laugh about it, but, who cares, everyone hopes the same thing that I hope for. Well, just happen recently, I won NDSl, and I win some chips in facebook poker game, and I thought that, wow, I’m in luck! Then, I guess you all know what I do, of course, buy TOTO, and Jackpot. LOL. This is my advice to you all, never ever trust lucky draw. I think you all know what’s the result right? Oh well, I still waiting for the jackpot result. What am I expecting? Laugh about it. It’s so true and I almost believe that it’s true.

Sometimes, what people need is the little hope, although they know that it will not come true, at least they have something to hold on to, a target, as a motivation for them to live on their lives. This kind of hope, people may get it from lucky draw, a target set by others, an answer that need to wait, a day that yet to come, or waiting for a person. Everyone is waiting for something in their lives, no matter what or who they’re waiting. Waiting, will make people sad, and waiting, will make you lose something, and waiting, is like forever. And of course, we couldn’t deny waiting is part of our lives, I believe that for those that is still studying, you waiting for holiday to come rite? And for those that are working, you’ll be waiting for weekend to come or waiting for 6pm to come, so that you can go home. So, now, we must learn the art of waiting. While waiting, a lot of things can be done, even in 5 minutes time you can plan everything that you can do after work, or spend 10 minutes thinking on tomorrow’s itinerary. Learn not to waste your time. Use the time wisely; time management is very important for those that seek balance in family, careers, and friends. Learn not to wait, but learn to let other things waiting for you.

-I j.u.s.t c.a.n.’t g.e.t e.n.o.u.g.h. o.f T.r.a.n.s.f.o.r.m.e.r.s-

2009-06-09T20:00:00.007+08:00

When we were young, sure we watch a lot of cartoons, for example, girls will definitely watch sailormoon, hello kitty, honey honey, and I wonder is there any others as I don’t really know what they’re watching. Well, for guys, voltron, thundercats, marvelous cartoon, and today’s topic: “Transformers” ( robot in disguise ).

I believe that transformers leave a great impact to me, cause still remember how is it looks like when I first saw it in the TV. Well, I’m born in a Chinese family, so my English totally sucks when I still young ( not much better now as well ). However, I just enjoy watching it. I need not to understand the cartoon, but, the story is good enough for me to understand. Two sides, good and bad, and now I know that it’s called Autobots and Decepticons, and they’re fighting each others. A great cartoon with lot of shooting, a lot of cars, a lot of planes, a lot of explosion, and of course, a lot of transformations.

However, when I first hear that it will come out as a movie, and transformers comes alive. I was like, omg, I really wanted to see it, wondering how Michael Bay will really make them alive. And after watching it, He really made them alive, so much alive. And it’s a movie I can watch over and all over again. A good movie, surely there will be part II or part III, cause everyone wanted to watch it so badly. And especially for transformers, more and more are coming. It will be a great great entertainment for all of the fans.

Now that the Transformers II is coming out, revenge of the fallens…I would really like to watch it, even though I will be watching it alone. Cause I will never watch a movie alone, and transformers will be the movie worth I doing so.

-t.r.i.p t.o t.e.m.e.r.l.o.h.-

2009-06-01T11:54:00.000+08:00

On Saturday, I went back to a place where I stay there for 4 years, which is Temerloh. Never expect I would stay in such a place and for 4 years!! And I really hate KL so much, jam here and there, opposite lane accident and my lane is still jam. What’s wrong with these people!!! Well, just because they stop to watch, I stop to watch as well, and so do everyone. If happen that none of the people stop and watch, I wouldn’t stop as well. Damn those who start to slow down first!!! And, I would like to curse my GPS, showing me the way that I need to pay all the tolls and turn one big circle. Will not ever use it if I know the road, ever!!! It showed me from Kesas> LDP> MRR2, sigh…

Reach Temerloh after driving for 3 hours, I totally forget such a place, everything is so different. I left there when I was 8 years old, which is 1994. And now, after 15 years, I go back again. The kindergarten which I used to go, closed down and now is a bungalow. But, the houses that I stayed before still remain the same, no renovation nor changes at all. On Saturday night, I went to the church which I used to go when I was small, and that time, I am very famous one, just because I’m the naughtiest kid there. I met the teachers who taught me in Sunday school last time. Some of them can still recognize me, and forget me already. And the church they expand it already, now it’s much bigger. Small town, little people, but very friendly. Wished I taken some picture to show, but I just forget about it.

In church, one of the speakers from Singapore has given a talk, on love. He asked, what is the definition of cool? Some of the punk, with punk head and punk dressing, the youngster see them, and they say they’re cool. The answer to this is: when everything is nothing, then it’s called cool. He also teach on how to love, ask us to learn to how to praise, which I think is quite true. When a guy haven get a girl, he will praise that girl a lot, but, when he already get the girl, even the girl changes the hair colour, hair style, new ear ring, new dress, he will not realize anymore, and will not praise her. And so, the relationship fades. The way he talks is really funny. And also, he taught that relationship based on sex will lead to downfall of the relationship. Which I think is quite true. And he says that the furthest the relationship before marriage can go to is just “kiss”, and this kinda relationship after marriage will not be a tomb for love. His talk is quite interesting, but too long. And he sells books that he writes and bible as well. But, the quality is bad, cuz made in china!!!

Come back on Sunday afternoon, and tired.

-s.p.e.c.i.a.l t.h.a.n.k.s-

2009-05-22T19:19:00.002+08:00

Well, I would like to take this opportunity to thank few people that come across my mind now. First, I would like to thank my msn friend, for killing my boredom and share with me your precious experience. It really makes me grow though. I may sound funny, not serious nor silly while talking with u guys, but yet, I appreciate you do bore with me. Things that you all said I will remember till the day I die.

And also, I would like to thank my beloved blog supporter, Mr Liang, ck Lim, Mandy, and who else, and Carmen mui, hope she’s doing great there. Thank you all for reading my blog, although some of you din leave me with comment. I appreciate that u spend 5 minutes of your time looking into my story. And also to those friends, or friend that remember me when they’re having fun.

And, I would like to thank my parent as well, though I never really tell them I love you, but in my heart, I really do. And to my sister studying/working in UK, hope you’re doing fine there too.

Sorry if I’d miss out any here. But I suppose I wrote down all already.
Oh ya, 1 more is my ex, I would like to thank her as well, she let me know that girl in this world is not as simple as I thought. Learn not to trust people so much and will learn to love myself first.

Thank you all!!!

-f.e.e.l.i.n.g o.f t.h.e d.a.y-

2009-05-21T21:24:00.001+08:00

damn, hate it when this feeling comes again...
This week, I’m covering Malacca as usual. But, out of a sudden, I feel that, I don’t belong here. This is not a place I should belong and I will belong to. Everyday work, then packs some food home, and chat n drama. Doing the same old thing on and on again, I feel pathetic. How I hope to become Malays, need not to think much, satisfy with their living, less pressure, less personal achievement, less worry about the future.

If I were given a chance to choose, I will still choose to stay in a big city and living a rushing and pressured life. Rather than living in a small town, relax and pass the rest of my life there. I do not want to waste my time, and this is the thing I hate the most. And yet, I’ve waste a lot of my time. How I hope to find something that I really interested in and spend all my time and effort in that. However, my interest is yet to known.

Starting own business is really hard. Cause, now the media is talking all about starting own business, or chances, entrepreneur and sorts. All the ideas were taken and the survival remains for the person who creates the best idea. People said, when there’s crisis, there’s chance. Well, for me, it is that people do not aware of something until something really happen, then only they will look into it. This is human nature.

I'.m a S.t.a.n.d.o.u.t i.n L.i.f.e.

2009-05-16T10:19:00.005+08:00

This going to be the title for today: I'm a Standout in Life.
Well, how many of us actually are standing out from the crowd? Being different from the crowd, doing or possessing the ability to be different, and of course, being noticed by others. Most important thing is how u defines your standout.

From the example given: You can tell us how you can repeat the alphabet from back to front easily, count the distance from each planet in the solar system using your own formula, how you manage to lick your own elbow, ability to jump and eat chips at the same time. It could be anything! Tell us in text, pictures or/and videos! It's entirely up to you on how you want to standout!!

Is that really a standout? Cuz not just you alone can do this, there’s thousand of people in the world probably can do it as well. How u going to say that you’re standing out among them, if happen that one day a group of people that can lick their elbow having a gathering or what. What would you get from your standout is actually a more important issue. Everyone can standout if they shout at the public, or by saying something that really makes people remember them, or wearing a striking pink colour pants, and yellow top walking along the street, then I would say that: wow, you really standout among the crowd. But, does this make you feel happy? Well, maybe you do; but, does this bring any good to your life?

For me, I will think that everyone is a standout as long as they live in this world. I am sure that somehow, someway, and something will make them standout; Maybe just a matter of time, or luck, or maybe, no one yet to realize it. What I mean here is that everyone is unique. They might not be a standout in your eyes, but they may be a standout in others perception. And of course, the parent will always be the one who believes that their child is a standout.

Well, I myself I don’t think that I’m a standout yet. But, I am sure that definitely one day I will be. Maybe by that time, I will be able to write a better post for this topic.

-w.h.a.t d.o i w.a.n.t-

2009-04-29T13:38:00.001+08:00

This is a question that many people would ask themselves at a certain age of their life. I doubted that all the people ask this question before when they seek for the inner self. However, not all the people get the answer that is correct. This is why a lot of the people nowadays are not satisfied with their current live. Some of them, they aren’t happy even they already get what they wanted. This is because, they got the answer wrong. They do not know that they already achieve what they want and thus, they want more and more. Then, they forget who they really are and got carried away. And, some people may think that the live that they were living is absolutely what they want. Well, some of them may get it wrong again. As, maybe after few years, then they realize, this is not what I want. I want more, and I’ve wasted few years just because I do not realize what I want. So, keep this question in your head all the time “what do I want?”.

Well, now it’s my time to really seek the answer and it’s time to make sure that the answer to this question is correct. Because, I’ve ask myself this question few times before. And I do not seem to get the answer yet. Like the relationship that I used to have it, I thought that it’s what I really want. But now, I realize, it’s actually the thing that I do not want the most. To be honest, right now, at this very moment. I have no idea why people want to get into a relationship. Perhaps, for this group of people, they need something to fill their soul, to fill their time, a companionship or just to show off. Well, after doing some soul searching. I found out that, girl is the thing that I can live without. Just like what I did for the past 21 years. Time, freedom and money it 3 things that men need the most, and girls, is just something extra when u think that u have too much time, too much freedom and too much money. Well, right now, I have 2 of the things than men need the most. And now, I need to convert this two and get the 3rd one. And to seek balance between these three elements.

People said, men need a career, well, to be honest, the job I’m having it right now, I think that it’s just a part time job. This is really not what I want. It’s not challenging at all, and I do not want my life to end this way, as a product specialist. Seeking for something higher n achievable, searching for opportunity and grab it. People said my life I will have no achievement. And some said, I will die before I achieve something. But I said, will achieve something big, I will let the world know my name. And this is how I’m going to contribute to the world. And I believe, this is why I am born in this world. My purpose of living, my aim, my goal.

*anyone have any idea can share with me, on how to make big money….thx

-w.i.t.h.o.u.t k.n.o.w.i.n.g i.t-

2009-04-14T20:38:00.002+08:00

Great, it's been 2 months i never go to church, and inside me, it's getting wild and more wild....everything that I dare not do I’ve done it...drifting further and further away from my target, to be greatest man, I dun think I still can achieve it….begin to become very selfish, self centered, and also….as bad as I could be…..come and think about it, I am becoming just like my ex, playing with people’s feeling….no, no, I tell myself no way!!, I will never become like that, so I write here to make myself awake, to realize that what I did all along was wrong, I had a dream, a target, a hope, to become greatest man ever.

Now, I’m going to look forward, to aim further, and to achieve something I wanted to achieve all along. However, the past is building up my base. I wouldn’t forget what I’ve done and I will always remember it, to keep reminding myself that I will never do it again. To those people that I’ve hurt, please forgive me. Now, think back, I’d hurt her a lot, even when she’s with me….without realize I really, really hurt her deep enough, so she choose to leave, it’s actually good for both of us. She can then go on with her life, a better life than I could give. Right now, I really couldn’t promise anything, as, I do not want to give a false hope, make a fake promise. Knowing that I do not have the power, ability to give another person happiness yet, I rather….be alone. I really feel bad for what I’ve done, even that she forgiven me, I also couldn’t forgive myself. I’m doing the worst thing I ever think I could do.

Right now, I really dare not to be committed into a relationship; the world is so dark now…I’ve seen the darkest side of women and heard stories about them. Was having phobia when becoming too close with girl, as things will never be right when time spent together is longer than usual. Maybe I’m getting used to single life, really scared and worry if I were to attached and got tied up again. Before this my life was really miserable. Don’t even can have my own thinking, and this is why my brain stops functioning. My memory is not that good anymore, going to have cognitive impairment. Wondering when I have to start taking the medicine that I’m selling. Even till now, my brain is still slow. Couldn’t think much, and I get headache and tired always if I think a lot.

This month, really overspent, and after calculating my income n saving n my credit card bill, found out that I am really having negative credit, still lack of 1.5k in order to clear everything. Shit!!! I really need to re-organize myself, my time, my money, my work and also, the entertainment. Perhaps, I should limit my pocket money to 1k a month, 50 ringgit each day for weekdays and stay at home during weekends. I think this should be enough. Just hope that I can really do it. If I really can do it, I’m a step close to become a millionaire~

-w.h.a.t'.s w.r.o.n.g a.g.a.i.n-

2009-04-01T07:49:00.003+08:00

After spending 2 months of single life, quite enjoying it, as many friends will make themselves available for me, cuz they know what happened….but now, they seems to get back to their busy lifestyle and have no time to bother me…sigh; even those that I dated out for movies, from 4 to 3, 3 to 2 and 2 to one and now, none of them are going out for movie with me...perhaps is me who didn’t ask, or perhaps, they dowan to waste time on me, rather to focus on their study, work, or their chat lou….perhapz

Recently, I’ve changed, to a more daring person, what I can say is that, I’m kinda not afraid to do anything, only two things that I wouldn’t do…..which is this I will never do, and that I will never do…lol, what I meant was, I am not shy anymore, and I’m glad that I am not the person that I used to be, perhaps, sometimes I might’ve got carried away….just need time for adjustment, to tune myself, and to show the best performance….I am very very broke right now after spending on air tickets for UK, trying to save as much money as possible now, cuz I have a dream, things that I wanted….which I definitely couldn’t achieve if she’s still around….lol, I’m really glad that she leaves after doing some thinking….cuz till now I realize that everything she told me is simply “unbelievable”…..

Perhaps, now, I’m trying to find another one, just trying to expose myself to the forests, and will see how it goes…but right now, a lot of illegal businessman is cutting down the forests, which left me with less choices, damn them….got money so what….girls are to treated with heart, but not money….actually girls or no girls is about the same, just that sometimes when you’re too free, you tend to find some troubles…

Recently, was trying to change my job, and dare not change because of the economic and also because I’m stupid you see, I scare that I couldn’t pass the exam and got kicked off 2 weeks after job…..and my current job, although paid is not that good, I’ve got less pressure and more freedom…and now, people starts to know me, they remember me, and I just started my journey of getting their trust…so, really confused now whether which to choose, better paid with chances being fired, or lesser paid with less pressure and more freedom? Let God choose my way for me, as He did for the past 23 years….He know what’d best for me….

-m.e, y.o.u-

2009-03-08T14:15:00.001+08:00

Day passes by, knowing that i disappear totally from your heart, or should i say, knowing that i never appear in your heart before...I started to forget you, looking back at the photos that we had, you look like a stranger to me, perhaps i know that all the while we’re together, I lived in a world of lies...I don’t even know exactly what kinda person you are....what you actually like, what you actually hate, what is in your mind and who are you...there was a day i told you that i know you very well, now thinking back, i felt that i’m stupid....

For the past few weeks, when i look back at those photos, tears really filled my eyes....but now, look at your photo, i felt that, you’re just a person that walk pass my life, leaving a shallow footprint that soon to be washed out by the rain....Now i realise that you’re not that important in my life, my family and my friend and my career is much more important than you. However, i believe that i loved you before but not anymore. Cuz i realised that it’s all a lie, i am in love with the person that u created out which is not real...

Living my days alone isn’t too bad at all, just that i do not look forward for any days to come....unlike some people, they’re waiting for weekends all the time....but weekends nor weekdays to me, it’s just a waste of time....but not until i really find something that i’m interested in and willing to dedicate my life to it....for now, i’m really wasting my time.....

Last time, i always thought that life is about how you enjoy yourself, so i have no problem spending on good foods and so on....but now, i realise that life is about achievement, about your purpose of living...about your contribution to the world...and about what value u were given by the world...saying and doing is actually two different things, just hope that i can really do it...

-h.a.r.d t.i.m.e-

2009-03-01T17:11:00.002+08:00

This year, is really a bad year, so many things happen...i think all of these, they've already made an agreement to come in all together, to destroy mankind, and to destroy our hope and, to make us realise that we'll always need to prepare ourselves.

It's been a month since that incident. I've risen from the bottom of the earth and ready for challenges again. Love is not a big thing for me now, whether we're in love or not, life still goes on. And in this world, there's no such thing as " i can't live without you ".

In this whole month, I've seen the ugliest side of women, and I've also acknowledge how important is friendship rather than love, and also, i've understand how wonderful it is when you don't think too much, let everything happen by itself.
Just leave it to the Lord and He'll choose the best for you.

In this world, people will never be enough of what they possess right now; people who are satisfy with their current possession we address them as happy, but is it true? how true can it be?
Well, for me, i will think that the person is coward. And he does not maximize his ability and also fulfilling his purpose in this world. We shouldn't think of having more, more and more. We should think of what else i can do? Can i do better? Is this the best from me? Just make full use of the thing we know and no more no more...the enough here means up to our limit.

Now, i started to enjoy the single life, as i need not think too much when i'm doing something nor making any decision. Never feel this free for the past one year. And i need not worry and suspect anything and this is really tiring. However, things come with price, and the price i need to pay is Loneliness.

I think i'm ready for another relation already and i really hope that this will be the last one...so, i think it will really takes alot of time in finding one..so what i can do is to explore all the forests, and seek for the ideal tree for shelter....

-j.u.s.t a s.o.n.g t.o s.h.a.re-

2009-02-14T10:58:00.000+08:00

无言的结局

女:曾经是对你说过这是个无言的结局
随着那岁月淡淡而去
我曾经说过如果有一天
我将会离开你脸上不会有泪滴

男:但我要如何如何能停止再次想你
我怎么能够怎么能够埋藏一切回忆
啊让我再看看你让我再说爱你
别将你背影离去

女:分手时候说分手请不要说难忘记
就让那回忆淡淡地随风去

男:也许我会忘记也许会更想你
也许已没有也许

- i a.m. m.e a.g.a.i.n .?.-

2009-02-12T20:28:00.002+08:00

well, it's been almost 2 weeks, 1 week of being fooled and 1 week of knowing the truth....started to work back this week, after 3 weeks of not working, hopefully my boss will not read this...well, yesterday and today i was walking into bookstore, trying to get some material to read up, so that my life will not be so boring cuz i'm all alone right now...however, i couldn't find anything that i'm really interested...perhapz, i just dun like to read....

i tried to read up those motivational book, but i feel it's all crap...cuz it's just so commonsense...and it's up to urself whether u really wanna change or not...if u really wanna change, even without the book u can change....and those books are really expensive...

then i tried to read up story of a successful man, but, i just dunno whether are they successful or not....so not interested...i wanted to read bout obama, but, i just dunno how to start...

then was this manager tips, about how to lead...well, i just dun like to lead...just dun like people to follow me...and there's one book i'm interested in the title...which is "whatever u see, see it the other way"...but, but it's just too much of picture..and it's so damn expensive...so din buy also...

well, i just wanna find a reading material that normally a person without reading habit will read, and it's in my interests and most important is to build my character next time....haiz...it's just too hard to find....

well, during this week i keep going out with friends, primary school mate, uni friends and those...i talk to everyone...chat with everyone...well, i'm closing in for too long d...now it's time for me to expose myself to the world outside, just feel like making more friends...but will not find a gf that soon...cuz girl is really trouble...ahahha....

haiz, but what really haunt me is her, for almost everynite i dream of her...going out with her, dating with her...it's just so real...and i got up from dream everynite...haiz, just wonder, does she feels the same? or she did not think of me, even for one second....haiz, just feel so sad....

even now and then whenever i am, whatever i look to, and whereever i am, i still think of her...thinking, what is her reaction when i buy this to her, what's her reaction if i were to bring her here, what will i be doing when i'm still with her....damn, this is really bothering me...she might forget me from long and enjoying her time with her new bf...but what m i still doing...haizz

just hope that one day, i can really let go of her....Goodbye my love,

Good-bye My love 我的爱人再见
Good-bye My love 相见不知哪一天
我把一切给了你希望你要珍惜
不要辜负我的真情意

Good-bye My love 我的爱人再见
Good-bye My love 从此和你分离
我会永远永远爱你在心里
希望你不要把我忘记

我永远怀念你
温柔的情怀念你
热烘的心怀念你
甜蜜的吻怀念你

那醉人的歌声
怎能忘记这段情
我的爱再见
不知哪日再相见
我的爱我相信总有一天能再见

再见啦我的爱人
我将永远不会忘记你
也希望你不要把我忘记
也许我们还会有见面的一天不是吗

-g.o.t b.e.t.r.a.y.e.d !.!.!-

2009-02-08T16:38:00.004+08:00

haiz, just happen not long ago..it was during 5th day of chinese new year...i was moody during that time, just right after she attended wedding dinner with her so called "cousin", she sms me...said that she wanna break up with me, after asking for the reason, which is i'm controlling her, i dun trust her, i treat her bad and my temper is bad...she left...

actually on 6th of Chinese new year, I was suppose to go her house to pay her parent visit...but, early morning she warn me not to go her house...she keep finding excuses that she will not be free...i cried to her, begging for forgiveness...and i said i will changed...i told her my plan...and what's in my mind all the while after she tried to break up with me during sept 2008....however, being so cruel of her to reject me...she told me that she wanted to be alone....wanna focus more on her career...which i think is reasonable after how i treated her...so i'm trying to do something to show that my heart for her is real...and i promised i will not be the same anymore..will really bring happiness to her....

so on monday...i went to jusco to buy some stationery...and printed out some photoes...i made her an album called "love diary"....inside was photoes and the memories we had during that time...i write down everything, and almost all that happen during we're together...

then on tuesday...i drive all the way down to JB just to see her...trying once again to see whether she willing to see me or not...and the answer is not...so i drive back home with disappointment...i even bluff myself that i saw her from far...just to make myselves feel better....

on wednesday...i record down everything that i wanna say to her...because she's coming back from jb....and i scare that when i see her i couldn't speak...so i recorded down....and together along in the cd was a song...a song by air supply which named "all out of love" which can desribe my feeling when she left....and on this day, she told me that she need to stay in jb for another nite...for working purposes....

on thursday...she tell me that she will be coming back...and during this time...she asked me not to give her too much pressure as the few days before i keep asking her, to be with me again....and everytime when i ask her, are you really leaving me...is there really no turning back...and the answer is dunno...she say she enjoy for being single...

on friday...i saw her...i pass her her things...and the CD, i think she planned already...she already ask her colleague to call her at certain time...so that she got reason to leave....and she leave...i beg her, and she being so cruel to me....so with disappointment i drive back to klang....and on the day she told me that she's into some problem again...somebody using her pic and name to create a new account in facebook and also friendster...and during that time...i tried to let her know my importance and what i will always do for her by rejecting to help her....i ask her to settle this herselves...but in the end...i helped...i try my best to help her...and i wrote her a poem after that....and i get a reply from her as below:

---"thanks for the poem....i really appreciate wat u did for me..but at this point of time.do leave me with some time and privacy, could you. cuz i really need to think properly wat do i want in life..and i really need time to build up my career. i have lost a lot in the past..and now i wish to chase back wat i have lost.

you are a good guy..and i know you will always be one. so do take good care of urself alrite. i hope you will have enuff rest, proper meal and sleep...and pls do not give up in ur work. life still goes on dear..there are always ups and down in life that we need to face with courage. "---

but sonner at night...my friend told me that i was fooled...dun be so silly anymore...she already got new bf...you got betrayed...so stop doing things for her...i was like...unbelievable....i can't believe she did this again to me...then i questioned her....and she admited finally...and start to tell me alot stories...then my friend told me that she's like this...will always find excuse for herself to make herself feels better and looks better for others....i agreed...now i think back...everything that she wants i do for her...now listen...is everything...but maybe...she think that i over protective...well i admit, it's just because i dowan to see her fall...

when i first notice that she really betrayed me...then i realise...all the while the stories that i trusted from her is actually crapz....it's all lie...lie and lie summo....i really cant belive that the girl that i love is actually this kinda person...i have no idea what kinda person i'm in love with...what i can do is just cursing her...i know i'm not being gentlement in this way...but, i really do curse her...for being so materialistic...damn!!!

then on saturday i told my friend bout what happen....they all laughed at me...then they say the predicted this day will come....and it really do...they laughed because they already tried to advise me...and still i insists to believe that she's not that kinda person they think of...but now...i really regret...for giving out my first love to her( dun laugh, it's my 1st love ok? )...if i have a chance...i really dun feel like admitting this relationship that i had....

* to all people that think that i beaten her...i need to make myself clear....i never beat her before..and i will never beat a girl that i love...but i do admit i am the one who caused all these pain to her...first thing is i hold her hand too tight...just because she tried to break my car's wind glass...second thing is she bite herselves just because she feel bad after bitting me for so many times...and so on....

you all must be thinking i'm not gentlement for doing all these things...i admit i am not...

-i.s t.h.i.s w.h.a.t i w.a.n.t?-

2008-11-22T21:15:00.003+08:00

it's been two months i working in malacca...before this, i thought that i can leave behind everything and to be based in malacca...does it really worth it? well, i have no idea....everything seems so different from things that i wanted...perhaps, a guy like me extinct from this world already...i'm those that seek of a lifestyle that normally a girl would want to live...however, in this world....there wont be anything called same set of sacrifices...in a relationship, no doubt sure there's one side will contribute more, will worry for the other more, will want to spend time with the other more....however, the other will think that nah, give me some time to breath, and to hang out with my friend...does this look familiar?

a life that i always wanted to have, i dun think it will happen throughout my years...i will always dream of a home, a family, something that will hook to me, asking me to go home straight after work...a simple breakfast, perhaps lunch(if possible) and dinner would brighten up my days...need not to be very rich....but at least slightly more than average....izzit my thinking is very outdated? everything become so realistic nowadays...and meterialistic as well...

perhaps, i'm demanding too much....perhaps...

sometimes, i really regret that i go there for work...was about to get dumped before my 1st day of work....to be honest, real regret that time...now, i doubted my decision...sigh....everyday finish work that early also dunno for what...nothing awaits for me at home also...dunno why go home that early for what....no friends, no tv, no computer....nothing

i always wondering...what my life will be if i'm working in kl...will it be still the same, or will it not...would life be easier? for those that look at love lightly?
yea, it absolutely will be...for them, love is only thing that they'll remember when they're free...i also hope that i will be like them...i really hope that i will be....

these days, world is getting upside down...from last time women meant to serve men, to men serving women and was kicked...this is how todays world...girls are in high demand now...10: 1 i think....they're having alot choices...if you're not good enough, then bye bye....but for a man that's having less than average look, bad personality, weak will, high expectation, low motivation, stingy and poor like me...i'm surely the one that will get kicked off...just the matter of time...

-p.a.t.i.e.n.c.e-

2008-09-30T18:22:00.000+08:00

knowing that i should learn to be more patience, i decided to give her another chance...really hope that she will never break my heart again...cuz i dun think i could take this anymore...however, i promised myself not to cry for this girl ever again...if she really manage to make my tears drop....well, i do not know whether it will be a good news or bad news...good news is that she manage to restore my heart and the bad news is she disappoint me once again....haiz...living is to make decision....we can only choose either one...we could never get both...i think everyone understand this....and when u have the wrong decision, u took the wrong one....even u have the chance to choose again....things wont be the same anymore....everything will be different...no matter from your own view or from the others....this is very important for us...no matter a small case nor the big one...we really need to understand ourselves and never should we make any wrong decision....because...there's no turning back...so guys, be wise...

still remember a story of two person...God gave them a opportunity to choose what they want...the first guy, he wish to be the world most wealthy person...his dream was fulfilled...but, in the end...he gets nothing at all....as for the other guy, he wish to be the wisest man...and in the end...he gets the world....becareful of what u dream of or what u wish for...it will change your life...

d.i.l.e.m.m.a.

2008-09-26T12:05:00.001+08:00

on 10th sept...this is the day that i will never forget...this is the day where my heart starts to break....a day before, was scolding her for being too dependent on me...i want her to learn to be independent is because now, i wont be by her side tht often...she always claim that she's very independent but from what i see, she's not at all...she's very lucky because she got alot guy friend that are willing to help her in order to get near to her...this is the thing i dowan it to happen the most...however...this always happen...everytime she will ask them for help...even i'm there...what m i in her heart...useless or idiot...all the thing she wanted i can say that everything i can give then i give....giving her my 100%....
but....but what do i get as return....i just wan her to love me...yet...she said that she dun love me anymore...wanted to break up temporarily with me...i was crying and begging her but she still insists to break up....just when i'm about to give up...found out that she is having the thought to couple back her ex....my heart really break that time...then the next day i need to send her to her ex summo...can u imagine what's my feeling?i think you all surely can....but never will she....she's not caring at all as what i see...never will she do anything for me or with me la....i need to do everything by my own...
nvm, then her ex told her that he completely forget about her d...and no hpe they can together back d...then she cry to me...i was there to hold her up and to console her...hoping that she will let go soon...then we went down all the way from malacca to kl to buy a bag....to cheer her up...i tot everything will be fine d and we can be together....
the next day she was going to johore for work...before she went for work everything seems ok...then afternoon time comes...i went to klia to send my sis to uk...then at that time...she called...she told me that her ex dowan to be friend with her anymore...just because she lies too much....i knew that she will still keep lying even when she promised that she will be true...crapz
then...what disappoint me most is she even ask me go and explain to her ex...asking him not to duno bother her...how selfish she was....and i wonder what m i that time...a friend? a good friend or her boyfriend....i feel like an idiot....she called me few hundreds of time and sms to remind me of finding her ex...did she know how do i feel that time?never will she as i said before...
then i decided to let go...i tel myselves that me and her finished...then i din reply nor pick up her calls...surprisingly, she only call and sms me few time...this clearly showed what m i in her heart...however...after she come back from johore, i fell, i din keep to my own standing...and to let her hurt me once again....
then..just when i'm about to letting go the past and start a new life, i somehow found out that she still keep smsing her ex...even she din get any reply...you all surely know what this mean and what she's up to....right?then...we quarell again....she even break my car front mirror...from that time onwards...i know that my heart was gone...hurt too many times....but since i'm staying in her house...i cant do anything...i just know that during this time, if she din manage to restore my heart...i will leave...found a new room nearby the town...will move there alone soon...and after i move...i really do not want to see her nor hear her again....hoping tht she will never find me....well, knowing that she wont...even when i'm gone...i dun think she'll bother...i really hope that i can really do this..all...please help me to overcome this....a call from you guys is much appreciated

m.y. d.i.l.e.m.m.a

2008-09-26T11:53:00.002+08:00

-a. v.i.e.w o.f m.e i.n o.n.e's h.e.a.r.t

2008-08-30T09:07:00.001+08:00

it's been long long time since my last post. well, this is mainly because i'm too busy with working....busy attending interview, searching for jobs, and at the meantime, i'm working.

i found a job in mid of jun, and i tot that i will work for this company for at least half a year. in order to be 'qualify' as an experienced person...however, out of a sudden my friend she was required to be relocate in malacca...very sad to hear that...then, i have no mood to work there anymore...then i become very sad and down....was headache thinking what should i do...then, i was busy finding jobs, attending interviews and at the same time working....i'm very down during that time and i do not want to discuss it with anyone...down other people to be unhappy with me....however, i'm surely not a good actor, everything is written on my face...then, she start complaining and blame herself...which actually make me fell worse....deep in my mind knowing that this is the problem that we will face...after overcome this, then only the relationship can move forward to another stage....

luckily after a week or two, i found another job...hopefully this time i can really work longer...but from this incident...i know that she dun understand me at all....she said that she's sufering eversince she with me....this is the saddest part...dowan to list down so much here...but anyway....she's good...more that what i deserve....what i can say is....this is grace....

-n.o t.i.t.l.e-

2008-06-12T19:39:00.000+08:00

sigh, can't think of any title to put....feel like crying...i always thought that my life would be easy and happy....i always tot that i really understand a person's mind...but sooner or later, i feel that, everything doesn't go the way i want to be....if u read my previous post, u should understand what problem i actually facing....after 2 months plus, she finally break up with her bf....and she said that, they already got no feeling towards each other, but i can see that....she really feel sad, i'm not sure whether this is normal because they spend so much time together....but, as what i can see, she really do not want to break up....just that that guy can't stand it anymore and decided to breakup once and for all....that guy wanted to break up with her few times already but she's doing everything that she could to save back the relationship....sigh...sometimes i feel that i really dun understand her at all....and sometimes i even think that i'm just a safety float....but i really give her everything that i can give...i just hope that she really love me for sure.....last time, i tot that i can control the relationship between person, but now, i realise that i couldn't...to maintain a relationship, both party must put effort on it....if one tend to give away everytime and the other tend to take in always....the relationship will not work....now, i'm looking for a job, and wherever then job will be, i will take her into consideration first...then only the job....but, she seems like doesn't really care so much about me....from this, i understand that if she still do not put me before her job, one day, she will neglect me....that's what i do not want it to happen....what i can do is just, pray.....

-m.e-

2008-04-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

looking back, my previous post, talking bout my friends, how great they are....but, sooner or later, i found that a really good friend of mine, do not deserve it....will a friend talk bad about u to other people, will a friend hate u for what you've done to other people, will a friend criticize you for their own benefits, will a friend tell other people that they do not want u to be success, will a friend? However, I met this one very “special” person…..when I just started a relationship, he actually talked behind my back….i have no idea what’s wrong with him…perhaps because he couldn’t get the girl but I can. And he’s jealous….or, because of the lies that he told me, he scare that one day his lies will be known by the whole world….really very disappointed with him, because he seems like sharing all his things, his secrets and his thoughts…..before this, I should’ve realize, when he first talk to other people that I crap all the time….but, he do not understand the situation, I dun crap with all people…I only craps with people that take me as their friend….

Let’s change the topic to me…..I never thought that love can be so confusing, insecure, and scary….really scared of being hurt….yet, I have no friends to consult….cuz I wouldn’t want anyone to know what happen to me….perhaps, I’ve lost my trust on friends……listening to songs, Chinese songs, found that it really meant a lot, especially to my situation, damn…my tears is dropping…..A song by Andy lau which named “practice” in Chinese…that song really really can best applied to my situation….that song talk about he’s trying to learn how to let go, learn to forget, looking back those memories that they had together, but…..when u know that days of ending the love is approaching, how can u continue to love someone……..he’s trying to clean his memory on those time that they spend together…..and the girl, will eventually leave him……

For my case, I really scare that my time, which is straight after exam, that she will come and say to me, can we be friend back? However, I really hope that miracle will happen that she will choose me, but not the other one……

-e.v.e.r. a.f.t.e.r-

2008-03-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

do you believe in ever after? especially love? well, sometimes, i really believe that my love would be ever after....and i even think that my first love would be the most perfect one....however, everything dun seem alright to me now...
izzit just my feeling, or izzit not.....hopefully it's not...
referring to my previous post...i suspected that something is on between her and her ex....this really frighten me....it's not the matter that whether i trust her or not...it's the matter that i really worry that one day she will leave me....sometimes....i even think that everything is just a fake image to me....it's illusion.....
from her words...don't know why...i can smell that something is just not right...she keep saying and telling me that between love and responsibilty...which one will you choose....from this...i can predicted that...she's hiding something from me....from my logic thinking....there's few possibility...first one would be...since we all will be graduating this May, i think that she just fooling me around.....
or maybe...i'm just her weekdays replacement...cuz she's going back to her hometown most of the weekends...i'm so worried that she will go and find her so called ex...or maybe not her ex...but her fiance......
based on my analysis, i even suspected that she be with me just because she will be married after May....she just wanted to feel the way of being loved for these few months.....sigh....
today, she told me that if anything happen to her, she will leave me for sure...my tears just got out from my eyes....this make me even worried, worrying that she will surely leave me after the month May....
a couple, when they do not want the other people know who's their another one......i think, i think that they dun feel proud of them....feeling embarrased for couple with someone like that...
there maybe another reason too...they might dowan others to know bout your appearance...so that they can continue "friend" with others....sigh..and her ex still called her up everyday....to check out what she's doing and she did back the same to him, just that she did not call him first....no one actually believe they broke up, cuz they dun sounded like.....
well, for me...i think i'm stuck in the middle...knowing that i can't expect much from her...because, every words that come out from her mouth is break up....this really make me sad and dun have much faith in this relationship...but one thing for sure...i wont leave her unless she's the one who will leave me....
i'm very scare to predict things again..this is because i'm very scare that what i predicted will come true....
and, i can't even talk to my friends....just because, i promise i will not tell others bout her anymore....
now...only one word can describe my feeling....which is....complicated....

-l.i.f.e w.i.t.h t.w.o-

2008-03-11T16:27:00.000+08:00

i will start it with a ~sigh, although it may be fun sometimes, my life was totally different, more ups and downs each days, sometimes, i really feel disappointed, when letting go my hand, asking me to go away, i'm not feeling sad nor angry....just disappointed....sometimes, when i'm asked to let go...i really think of letting go....perhaps, i wanted to see how my life will be without her....i dun think people will see me laugh again....

At first, i really think of just playing around with this relationship, and it's worth trying relationship...so i try it without letting anyone know about it....After some time, when i told my friend about it....consulting them that to ensure that actually i'm just playing around at beginning, however, things became very serious and i do not feel like letting go anymore...then one day, when she finally check on my history in msn, she found it and she's so upset with me, and very disappointed...din expect me to be that kinda person...well, i'm not that kinda person neither...just that i think i did it wrong when expressing myself...and by not telling people my true feelings...

i felt very sad when she's still in contact with her ex, knowing that there's something still on between them...but, i do not want to question her, this is the least respect that i can give her....i still got 9 more days to prove myself, that i'm not playing around...if i fail this time, i will not cry anymore...i will really let go, because....i fail to prove myself, the things i've done never enough....

-k.e.n.y.o.s.h.i.i-

2008-02-21T00:37:00.000+08:00

It’s been awhile since my last post, was away because busy with something and, the main reason is, this blogger homepage is lagging….sometimes, when I feel like writing something here, however, because the page is slow loading, the feel just gone…..

For the past few months, I did really bad, normally, people have angel and devil standing on their shoulder and teaches them what to do….for my case…during these months, I think that only the devil was talking to me, the angel were on leave….I think of those things that I shouldn’t be thinking, talk things that I should never talk, and do things that I shouldn’t be doing….human, as what we are, tend to forget things really fast….that’s why we should spare ourselves sometime to think of what we’ve done and what we should’ve done…

Talk bout target of lives, I realize that I dun have any of them….many people at my age already become a millionaire, because they know which path they should take….. as for me, still wasting time blogging and chatting in msn, wasting my time like no body business…..well, I just can’t help it….too lazy…always wish that I could do much better but, my bed and computer really bother me……

Today, thinking back, all the things that my friend done…..feel that I look more like a jerk, because so far, only they helped me and I did not do anything to help….well, why I did this…..probably I’m too protective….trying to protect myself from being used by others….sometimes…I really wish that I could help….actually I shouldn’t be thinking bout this kinda thing…because…it’s good to help people….it wont do u any good if u keep everything good to yourselves….but it will help a lot if you share it among your dearest one…..

Being disappointed because people always forget me for who I m…..although I always tell people what I think of other people, that’s only my personal point of view…..that’s not the fact, perhaps those people take it seriously…..I do hate it so much when it comes to me, when other people believe what they heard from other people which is a joke that we used to tell among our dear friends……

People, may look at me as if I’m people that doesn’t care, doesn’t love and doesn’t appreciate….sometimes, I really hope that the person that they see is not me….sometimes I do that just because I do not know how to react in that situation, cuz….as people know, I’m antisocial….so I really don’t know how to react in certain situation…..

Being very flirty nowadays….that’s the worst part of me for now……keep flirting non-stop…perhaps the prophecy from a friend saying I always flirt around was fulfilled……..I don’t really flirt last time….but now, I admit I really am…..don’t know what got into me….so now, I’m listening to Christian song to make my holy back…..the saddest thing is, i almost forgot the person that I wanted to be…now I really need to recall back and restructure my mind…….

Prayed for the people in the world, friends and family…..in God’s will, they will all be fine….

-m.y n.a.m.e-

2008-01-15T17:27:00.000+08:00

this is the meaning of my name, hope that it's real....

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts.You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!

-t.i.r.e.d-

2007-11-15T08:09:00.000+08:00

eversince "thief day", i always wake up early....sometimes at 6 and sometimes at 8....wonder what's gone into me...however, i having more time to think, think for my future, planning my steps....everyone might think that i'm not serious when doing everything, but, this is what they think...i do things easily because i've already have the plan in my mind......so they take it as "not serious"........they didn't see me serious before, because they din even bother....

human nature, to listen to other before they actually know.....and to judge people by other's perception......and, one of my greatest skill is...to judge a person by his/her first words.....i can judge a book by it's cover....wahhaha....it's real, even more accurate than those con man on the street that wear like old china man....

just that i found a girl that fits my criteria, she scolded me.......for being not serious....sigh, anyone have friends that is like what i describe below:
will massage for me when i'm tired
will cook for me to love her more
will listen to my jokes
will stand by my side no matter what
will hug me when she's happy
will not be ugly and fat
will buy clothes which fits me
will love me more than i did...............

please intro to me...you shall be rewarded

-a.l.o.n.e-

2007-10-31T14:30:00.000+08:00

isn't it funny, after trying so hard and when everything comes to the end, and u get nothing out of it....and you try to make yourself feel better by saying, the result is not important, but the process is.....

I think I'm doing this all the time....get nothing finally, that's what make me didn't want to put effort in doing things, afraid of failures....sometimes, when u expect too much, and finally, it's not as expected, u will feel sad......and if u dun expect it's coming, and it comes.....u will feel like u've hit the jackpot....even without buying the ticket....

now only i understand something....that people will always forget what others did to them, i'm talking bout good things here....and they seems to remember all the bad things that others do onto them....this is what we call human....feel sad when talk bout this....people that I'd care for, and was there when they needed people to talk to when they're in trouble...they seems to forget me....sigh~ even that my kai mui (sister) is like that, behavior changes from time to time....from better to worst....

what goes around, comes around....just that u feel that u were left behind by others, friend(s), will always be by your side....if u lost one thing, and the other thing will come, that thing might not be the same....it may be better or may be not...there's always a silver lining behind the grey clouds....so dun give up hope easily...

-t.i.m.e 2 s.t.o.p-

2007-09-27T10:46:00.000+08:00

Recently, I think I overdo a lot of things….perhaps, this is because I have no time to think… I lost myself….

Last two weeks, having my final exam, everyday just memorizing notes, really hope that it will work….however, in these two weeks. I think …..I’m kinda betraying my own principles….

After exam, I think I got worst….trying to date everyone out, just trying my luck….to see how far can I go…..as I expected, I couldn’t get a date….everyone’s rejecting me……yesterday night, spend few hours thinking bout this…..trying to bring myself back to the correct path….i realize that this is nobody’s fault…..I can only blame myself for being not serious all the time…..I always ask, why people are so serious, why they dun take their life easier….well…now I think I know why…..before this, I always ask girls stupid question, well, I think this is because I’m open……but, now, I realize I’m all wrong….I’m disrespecting girls…..so, I will never do it again~

As I planned, I will quit msn by this year end…gonna use the time to get a gf…..and this time, I’ll be more serious, hope not to get rejected again……

-a m.a.n's t.e.a.r.s-

2007-09-12T06:48:00.000+08:00

It’s now 6 something in the morning…. I couldn’t sleep, maybe because I’m too stressed with the exam…..

No, not because of that…..whenever I close my eyes…my tears keep dropping….still remember the last time I cried was when I’m at the age of 13, that’s the last time…I dream of grandma just now….don’t know why my tears keep dropping after that….still remember in my dream, she smile at me…..then after that I keep crying already….miss her so much, still remember when I’m small, she’d love me so much…although that time I dun understand what she talk most of the time…..

A man should or should never cry? For me, I think that a man should…..as written in books all the time, A man should bleed and will not cry, but in movie, you can always see the hero cry…..they cry for their love……that’s the only thing that can cause a man cry……come and think bout that, if one day, the closest relatives past away, will you cry for him? I will….that feeling is very hard to describe….though I din about anything, I try to make myself blank…but the tears just keep dropping……

Still remember few months back, my dog died….I really feels sad….really regret why I din treat it better when it still alive…I din play with it because it’s dirty and I dun feel like touching it…..throughout its life, I just bath for it once…..I should’ve done more…..but I didn’t…so if you have a dog, treat it better…

Now, I’ve learned to cherish all the people around me….do not do something that will regret later-

I will go back to bed now and sleep back-

-i w.i.l.l-

2007-08-24T08:29:00.000+08:00

Nobody is perfect in this world, I’ve tried my best to be the as perfect as possible, but now……I’m tired of it…..knowing something, no matter how hard I’ve tried, it all will be screw up by words……no point proving myself to those that listen to rumors when they dunno me at all….

I’ve tried to be friendly with many people, but they seem like not appreciating it…..so, I will not give a damn on them anymore….no point making myself a joker to them…..I will clean all those shit in my msn soon……actually it is no one’s fault, just that I think that not necessary….

This is the 1^st time I use few days to write a blog….that night, which was Friday, because I got things to do, I stop there…and I continue it today….Sunday….that night, my course mates and I celebrated friends’ birthday, nothing much happen, just barbeque, throwing them into swimming pool and playing with shaving cream…..maybe cause I’m old, I dun feel fun in doing that kinda things…..it wasn’t as happening as what I thought it will be….

Today, went church at morning, read few verses, realizing that human really need to be wise….to do the correct thing, not necessary it is wise, or vice versa…..one verse that said, submit to one another of reverence for Christ…..I’d initiate, I’d tried…..not expecting anything in return, I’m just tired in doing it….

Still remember Thomas theorem which says, life is about how we act, he’s correct, I do try to act, as a good man…..but, not many of the people had watch my show, they only heard what’s happening at the backstage, at the backstage, I will do anything because I can do it…..so, they take me as what they heard from others…..without watching my show….but nvm, I belief that someday, my show will be reveal….people will know that I’m good-

-n.e.r.d-

2007-08-04T09:01:00.000+08:00

This may sound offense, do not read if you are a nerd…..and probably I m wrong….

What is nerd? The stereotypical nerd is intelligent but socially and physically awkward. In film and television depictions, nerds are disproportionately male and white with glasses and braces. Nerds have been seen in all races and colors, especially, in recent years as a recurring young Asian male stereotype. They typically appear either to lack confidence or to be indifferent or oblivious to the negative perceptions held of them by others, with the result that they become frequent objects of scorn, ridicule, bullying, and social isolation. They show a pronounced interest in subjects which others tend to find dull or complex and difficult to comprehend, especially topics related to science, disambiguation, mathematics and technology. Nerds are often portrayed as either obese or incredibly thin. They are also stereotyped to playing RPGs, MMORPGs and other things relating to Fantasy and Science Fiction.

But, why nerd try to be playboy….they be with many girls at one time….well…there’s many reason for it….izzit maybe they are nerd, then they can easily come closer to girls, because girls will not think that he’s up to something……sooner or later, then the nerd will show his true self, but that’s already too late….they’re just too close already…..they spend their time, sending all the girls testimonial, saying that they’re pretty….hate the most this kinda guys….face a little problem, then they go and complain to girls, expecting girls to comfort them….well, stop being so girly….man should face problems themselves…not to involve any girls into the problem….

Walking down the street, u can c many wannabe nerds…..wannabe in the way that, they smoke, dye their hair, wear those chain around their neck, and pants with many string coming out…but they forget that they still have their thick thick square glasses on….and also their tight and wearing high pants….i’m not criticizing on those that are wearing glasses….

A nerd, should always mix with those that are of their same kind…..how I judge a nerd…..sometimes I judge them upon their appearance….and sometimes I judge them according to what they said……their jokes, wasn’t funny at all…..some will even talk to u bout politics…..

A nerd, u can c them walk around alone….because no one wanted to mix with them….and they try to make those that ignore them jealous…by hanging out with hot chicks in the campus…..making themselves a dog, walking behind those chicks….oh…..please….they will not jealous with u, they will hate u…..like Mr. Gary……lol

-a M.a.n-

2007-08-04T08:19:00.000+08:00

what is a man? A man, is a person that has the responsibility greater than others……he should know how to care and how to love….not to break anything, including rules, doing thing such as vandalism, and breaking a girls’ heart….

Everyday, u can hear couple arguing over something, which maybe a small things…but a man, should know what to do at that time….before together with that girl, u need to think of not to hurt that girl….and do not flirt with other girls, place all ur trust on her, help her when she need u the most, even u can’t help, be by her side…..and u need to love that girl and will never change ur heart….then only u may go for her….man should learn to forgive, because girl is silly sometimes, they do things without thinking the consequences, and that’s what make u wanna care for them more….

A man, need to love and what is love, according to bible, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. This is the real love, not like all the couples always say, I love u….. Actually dun have any meaning, u no need to say it, but u need to prove it….

A man, for a girl. Why man need to take care of girls, very easy, cuz the bible say so……Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Girl is such a weak creature and they do anything for their love….

A man, do not play around with girls, cuz they will get hurt easily….and when u have a gf, place your gf before yourself…but not making urself a slave…...think of a long lasting relationship instead of fooling around…..dun ever flirt around with others girl when u still having ur gf……and dun do to your gf what u dowan her to do to u…..need not to tie ur partner, but u just need to trust them…..

A man, need to be wise….need to think, need to know consequences, need to know what can do and what’s not, need to know the limit, need to know how to work, need to know how to give, need to know how to share and need to know how to forgive……many people on this earth, they using whole of their life just to be wise…..a wise man will have a bright future and a easy life, silly man will suffer in his life…..as the song we sang when we’re small…..a wise man build his house upon a rock, a silly man build his house upon the sand….and the rain came down…well…u know what gonna happen….

A man, shud take care of their family…..this is mainly the reason why those china men last time they wanted son than daughter so much…..a man, should never do things that will cause his family to get in trouble, a man, should love their parents more than friends….a man will have 4 type of relationships….the most important 1 will be the relationship between Jesus Christ, 2^nd comes family, then wife, then friends…..then only comes to yourself….if u can manage these relationship well, ur life will be easy…..

be a good man.......

-p.i.c.t.u.r.e.s o.f h.e.r-

2007-07-28T11:29:00.000+08:00

Still remember the last time i took photos with her....it was around half year back....i wrote a blog bout that 1...and now this is the 2nd time i'm writing bout this…..even till now, I have no idea what is she thinking…..like, dislike or hate me….i prefer that she let me know that she hate me or dislike me…..then I know that I dun have chance and I will give up on it…..but, the saddest thing is….i think she dun even know who I m….she just know my name and that’s all….

Dream of her last few days….can’t believe that she’s in my dream….and I looking at her closely…. my eyes looking at her eyes….sadly, she din even look at me….come on, this is my dream….i can make anything to happen in my dream….but why isn’t she looking at me….izzit a sign from GOD, asking me to give up on her? Or izzit I really dun have any chance at all….everyone think that I’m fooling around….but actually I’m not….

Went to a ball with her, sitting beside me, everyone’s leaving left me and her alone…..can’t believe that I sweat, even in the air-con hall…..i really miss the time sitting beside her, even we’re not talking….miss her smile, miss her voice……wondering when I get the chance to sit beside her again….sigh

-f.r.i.e.n.d.s.t.e.r-

2007-07-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

let's talk about friendster,

I do nothing recently but keep viewing other people’s profile in frienster…found that friendster is getting wrong, the purpose of friendster is gone....

1^st of all, nick name, omg, sometimes, u need to know how far u can go, how high u can jump and how deep u will fall…self conscious…you need to know your own ability, and also yourself….princess, this nick, is for people that looks like a princess, no need to be fair, just need to be pretty….saw few profile, with the princess nick, come out with a real fat ugly one….din mean to hurt them by saying this, but, they need to know themselves la…just think of nick that fit yourself….plz…..

2^nd fake pics, haiz…..some people dun feel proud of their appearance, they use other people’s pretty pics to represent themselves…but, no point if they do like that…cause people will feel cheated….and, dun pretend to be one of them if you’re using a fake pic, be more friendly to others, cuz u already dun have the look, dun lose another point by being action….

3^rd account number, haizzz….dunno why people create so many accounts for, I see before 1 with twelve accounts, that’s the one with most account as far as I know….they simply adding people, yes add, no also add, end up they add up all the people that have friendster account….and the most stupid thing is, after they add u in their 1^st account, they ask u to add them in 2^ndand 3^rd account and so on…..that’s very stupid…end up, they’ll just having many accounts with similar friends….and that’s so called friend, some, they add u up for nothing, no msg, no testi….nothing…they just add u up in the list….

4^th testimonial, some people…dun understand bout the meaning of that, the send pictures, clipz, songs, and even chat there, well….izzit a chat box or what….well….i do that sometimes also, but I feel bad, try to avoid that already….if it is, then msn use for what…..for sending file purpose?

5^th restricted profile, dunno whether those people mean it ernot, but I think that, they just want people to add them first, then only they can view their photo…they will approve your request….for sure….well, I’ve tried one…but after viewing her pics, I delete her back….haha..just to know whether why they make their profile restricted….now that I know…just to let ppl to add them…haiz…this trick will work on those pervert, most of the guys out there….but not me…haha…I guess

add on, to those that trying to keep their photos from others to copy.....they try to make their profile restricted....this actually wont work...cuz if they really wanted to steal, they will add u 1st...then only they will copy.....there's nothing much u can do about it....cuz i think u will surely approve them...

-l.i.f.e o.f a c.h.r.i.s.t.i.a.n-

2007-07-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

I guess u all heard bout my accident, now....after the accident, I realize that there's a slight change in my life.....knowing that my job on earth is not done yet, now, think back all the things that happen to me....it seems like everything goes on smoothly....my life is too smooth and I’m too relax....so I become very very lazy....ever since the day I become a Christian, i pray to GOD every time I need to make a decision...and really depends on HIM, whether to do it or not.....found out that, everything I do will have a purpose, even take the wrong road, it may lead to something that benefits me....things I’ve said, things I’ve done, all have their purposes, sometimes I dun even know why I do it, till the result comes out.....then only I will realize….

Life bout Christianity is not what everyone think it is, it’s actually just between you and GOD, as long as u do things that pleased GOD, it will be fine….and if, u do things that is good in front other people, but u do bad without letting other people know, you’re still a bad one….some Christian, even they are good from the outside, but actually they’re real bad….the most important relationship is between you and GOD, second comes family…some Christian, their relationship with their family is not that good, maybe because their parents are non Christian, that’s why they find it difficult to communicate with them….

As a Christian, we are taught to be good, taught not to do wrong thing, taught to share, taught to help and the most important thing is, to forgive….

-a.c.c.i.d.e.n.t-

2007-07-11T16:22:00.000+08:00

last 2 weeks, which was the 30th of jun...still remember that night, wondering should i go or not....finally i decided to go....not really having a good time there, cuz i dunno how to entertain myself.....in the car, we talk and laugh, just like we always did....on the way back....i was kinda dizzy and half asleep...but my mind was conscious...suddenly, my friend bang on the car infront....and the car lost control.....and my mind is totally blank on that very moment...can only think of one thing : GOD, i don't want to die yet.....that's it....looking at the wall coming toward my side, by the way, i'm sitting behind the driver seat....and...when it hit the wall, i used my hands to cover my head....and close my eyes....and can feel the car shaking....and stop-
my friend, sitting at the passenger seat, shouted : pain, pain argghhh...then the one beside me ask us to get out from the car 1st...and that time, i still blur, so i listen to what they said.....go out from the car, find a place to sit down....and recall back what've happened....touching my neck, found that it's kinda pain and it swelled.... then, talked to my friends, trying to make him feel better...after that i go under the bridge...and pee there...then after that....looking at the tyre line...and saw a drain there....then realized that we were saved by the drain......my life started to change that night, my faith toward Christ is stronger now.....learned to be a good man, accepting people as who they are...haiz...i got alot to write summo...wait for part two then-

-j.u.n.e-

2007-07-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

many things happened on the month of june, having some friendship problem, lifestyle problem and face problem...i'm very lazy to write blog bout those things, even though what i have is time....but i just, just very lazy....sleeping all the time.....chat non stop...
let's talk bout face problem, because of last semester final, i sleep very little compare to last few semesters....so all my pimples just PoP...all over my face now....all my friends now laugh at me, cuz their face is getting smoother and better compare to last time, only mine is getting worse....so i try to cover back those sleeping time that i've missed....but now, although it is better, still there is many scars..now still trying hard to get rid of those scars, but as i heard from others, it will take me 3 years....sigh-
now, lifestyle problem, wow.....this thing will change my future, already in the 6th week, and i din even revise yet, i just go to the lecture and listen as much as i could...but, as i know.....i never concentrate more than 15 minutes.....i'll be visiting paris(paris hilton), japan, china, taiwan and hong kong in the other 45 minutes....now...i tell myself to study after getting back from dinner, but end up here, writing blog and watching drama with another comp....and there is tutorial that i havun do beside me....sigh-
now back to friend problem, there is one very close friend of mine, well, u know....if friends getting too close, all the weakness will be known....and i cannot accept his weakness...so i keep complaining to other people...but sooner or later...after few days, i realise that, no 1 is perfect...then, now, i din care bout those thing anymore, what i need to do is upgrading myself, learn to forgive and change myself instead of changing other people to fits my personality.....and now, i'm one level up....
there's still alot to write, but...u know la...i'm lazy ma...so i write next time lo...i'll write bout friendster next topic-

-f.r.e.e m.a.n-

2007-05-06T09:14:00.000+08:00

finally, exam is over, i'm a free man now....but, for 3 weeks only...in this 3 weeks, i'm gonna do nothing but sleep and play everyday....recently...just found out the reason why i get 2 D for last semester...probably that time i'm really losing my target...wondering why m i still studying....i've been studying for many many years....and why m i still need to continue with this...that time...i'm really lost...will i ever be lost again? hopefully not...never lose my dream to become the wisest man on earth....
and what happen recently was, i know that...God really answer prayers....cuz i did real bad for genetics paper...i really pray hard for it..pray that i can pass it....at u know what...i really did...
some people wonder, if religions are just things that created for unite people? for teaching people? or religion is really something from GOD....well...for me.....what u think is real, u will try to make it real- thomas theorem...
there's few question that i've been searching for answer....what's in the permuda triangle, what is inside blackhole...how many earth is there outside the galaxy...is there a second me out there? but...all these are beyond the knowledge or human...God have set a limit for human knowledge....
yesterday...it's my friend birthday..we all celebrated with him....from his eyes...know that he really appreciate us....eyes can tell more than tongue does...

-M s N-

2007-04-29T14:27:00.000+08:00

msn, izzit stand for my saddest network, or my super network....different people will think differently...
for those that can sit infront computer and use msn to chat for whole day, mostly, it's their super network....for those that sit infront computer, waiting for other people to reply, and normally they wait till the other offline and still did not get any reply, they, which include me, will take it as my saddest network....i've lost my reason to stay connected to msn, but without realising, i wanted to online so much...after some incidents happen not long ago, i realise that there's no reason for me to online....no people will msg me 1st and ask the most basic things, "how are you"...and i feel like and idiot everytime msg people ask ask bout their lives....though i like to talk to people, knowing how's their lifestyle... it's pretty shitty when u realise that people that reply is just trying to ignore u, just simply answering ur question....or some people dont even will reply u...haizzz..in my case, hard to find a person to chat whole day...normally they'll just ignore me after me asking "doin what lately"....sometimes, there's this idea pop up, thinking of deleting my msn account since no one bother bout me...they never ask bout me, even they have question, they'll never ask me......dunno what's wrong with me...

-2 t.h.e.o.r.i.e.s-

2007-04-28T20:30:00.000+08:00

rikimaru, 3rd skill, do u know that, well i think not everyone play dota.....that 3rd skill is back stab...well this normally is thing that gal does always....well, guy do it also, just that guy do it without realizing...
there's two ways to interpret back stab, one is the positive thinking and the other will be negative...normally, people will interpret it negatively, only those smart people will think it positively....
negative way, which is people will think that u talking bad things bout them that will cause others to dislike you...well, only those with no brain will listen to other that back stab....cuz, u can never judge a person before u know that person...and of cuz, u will treat everyone differently, so what ever that that u do to ur friend, u probably will not do it on the other person. well, since this is happening on you also, you know that what others tell u bout the other person is only what he think of that person, and what that person done to him.....
the other way is the positive way, if someone back stab you, u should be happy, because there is someone who know you, and there is someone who wanna know bout you....that person that back stab you mostly because he/she is jealous of u, and u shud be happy, and u know what, u will actually know who's your true friend after that, a true friend will trust you, and those that listen to gossip, let them...they will be nothing to you...

-w.h.a.t r.e.a.l.l.y a.n.n.o.y.e.d m.e-

2007-04-28T09:34:00.000+08:00

damn, i just can't stand human stupidity, never really think of the consequences that their action will bring....sometimes, they dun understand, but after i explain to them, they refuse to listen....and at last, they come back to me again and ask for help....this is the thing i hate the most....if i'm in their situation, if i did not take other's advice into consideration, then, i will not turn back to him and ask him for help...i'll accept the consequences quietly and never will repeat it.....but for some people, they'll not think that way....
the other thing is, if u do not want to tell something...then keep it to urself, why go and ask people, " hey, u know something? well, i think i better dun tell u"....this is the thing i hate the most...if u want it then u tell, if no, just remain quiet...i'm not that kinda person that will beg u for telling, if it's the first time...then probably i will...if keep on like this, u gonna make me frustrated.....why u wanna make urself so secretive, sigh~ i'll never give a damn on u....
there's still many things...but then this is what i can think of for now.....so u will c that...sometime i will be angry of something...and it comes suddenly...sometimes u can c that i'll not be angry of those big big thing that u done...but i will be angry of small thing....cuz i have my own principle of lives.....and u will never know what it is....cuz no people cares.......

28 - a.p.r.i.l - 2007

2007-04-28T09:11:00.000+08:00

it's been two months i never dream of anything, still remember my last dream was.....trying to rob police station, instead of bank....i also dunno how i get myself into this kinda dream...
for those that wanna know bout my life, my life, is nothing but mud on the ground
recently, i just dunno why i cannot get myself out from the msn world, i can't live without it....i even try many things, like hiding my computer, ask ppl to use my computer and so on....but i'm too addicted...but after 1 week of this, i think i'm quite ok d now....well....all i need is just a person to talk with, to share my secret, my happiness and my sadness...but, izzit that hard to find a person that would listen to me?
having hard time when wanna fall asleep, that's why....never really wanna sleep nowadays....cuz before i sleep, i will think too much, blaming the world, blaming myself for born in such a way...no good thing ever happen on me, never ever....would it be because i din not make contact with the world outside too long? never expose myself to the sun....i'm gonna undergo speciation....damn
well, looks like in my world, there's only me and my comp....never wanna awake from my fantasizing world, cuz everytime i'm awake, i can see human's bad side...there's really something wrong with this world now...no people can be trusted now....even ur very best friend that u know for very long could do something to u for his or her benefits, some people with not bother bout what u feel....sigh
think i prefer myself to be isolated, no one cares, no people to talk to, alwayz, alwayz alone...

-l.o.s.t-

2007-04-07T11:52:00.000+08:00

it's been awhile, since the day i choose my own world....now, look back at those time, thinking...thinking...and thinking, how much time i've wasted......started to think bout my future, what will my future be, will there be end of the world before i getting my own career? what is the purpose of i'm still alive, maybe to pay back what my parents have done for me....the only factor that keeps me alive is my parents, because, i have no other else....sometimes, i may wonder, will i be single till the day i die? or will i not....everytime when i'm in shopping mall, see many couples, damn...ppl tell me that pretty girls dun look at guys appearance....well i really believe that.....sometimes, sometimes....what u really need is chance and the gut.....now, i try to settle down myself as fast as possible....then only try to find for one......haiz...dunno where all the chicks hiding...anyone can tell me? i'm gonna bring a shotgun into their territory and shoot them down...there will be 1 that will be shot for sure....

-t.o.t.a.l.l.y b.l.a.n.k-

2007-03-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

haiz...sigh-no words shall come out from my mouth...for i'm really tired of living...thinking, is there a purpose for me? what shud i do...i'm blank for now....what if i get the prettiest girl, what if i'm the richest man, what if i possess all the things on earth, what if everyone is under my control....yet, i still cannot change my fate...which is, die and bring nothing along....as a Christian, after die, we will go to heaven...but why we still need to live on this earth, and studying, working and earn as much money as possible....for God say that this is all material wealth....the only thing we need is to believe in him and live eternally...

sometimes, to live is actually to suffer, everyday we need to plan what shud we do and what shall not...it depends on how u interpret life....life can be very interesting and also be very sad......human, will have sadness and happiness together...so, do whatever that u think can bring the most happiness to yourself, and of cuz if this doesn't hurt anyone..

-f.i.n.a.l.l.y-

2007-02-25T20:47:00.000+08:00

finally, there's someone who read my post....very glad he left me comment....thank you for encouraging me, u have no idea how much it meant to me....sometimes, a smile would be the best medicine

last week, spend a week in penang...my hometown, found that many lalaz' over there...wonder what happen to penang that i once know....and i went to one funny cafeteria...there's a signboard at the cafeteria, writing, 40 cents will be charged per person that din't order any drinks.....well, that's funny to me....

-v.a.l.e.n.t.i.n.e- >>?

2007-02-14T13:05:00.000+08:00

today, is the day every couple waiting for, which is the valentine....but for me, today meant nothing to me but a day that full of sadness.....i'm writing this with sadness and few tears dropped on my keyboard, luckily my keyboard is waterproof....today, all friends turn against me, it's just like i'm left behind, so near but yet very far to reach them.....sitting alone at home and got nothing to do but looking at the photo we've taken together....hoping that the time of getting her soon will come, i dunno what m i to her and how much she know about me, but....i'm sure that i'd know her more.....

yesterday, friends bought valentine present and i'm with them, helping them to choose present...but i got nothing for myself, no one to buy for....so i just helping other for the valentine....as for myself, sad to say....only one word...haizzz-

seeing everyone wishing happy valentine's day, but i have no reason to happy...knowing she's gonna celebrate with her bf, and i'll be at home facing the computer....questioning myself, izzit so hard to find a nice gal that can melt my heart? but it is....sometimes i really regret why i choose this course.....

-i.m.m.a.t.u.r.e m.i.n.d-

2007-02-06T10:51:00.000+08:00

at speed light, i'm now 21 and will be celebrating my 21st birthday in few months time....never think that i will grow this old...still thinking that i'm still student that just graduated from secondary school....but now, realize that it's been 4 years, 4 years since graduate....this 4 years mean alot to me....have a dream before, to study overseas and after graduating, find a job over there and then bring my family there...
think of things infront me first, sigh...spending 21 years of valentine alone...it's very pity but not shameful at all....some brats can't even take care of themselves trying to find gf...and their reason was, to find a gal to take care of them...this is the most childish thing i ever heard.....they still dunno the main purpose of man living in this earth...man, posses the responsibility to take care of their loves one; responsible to take care of their parents; responsible on financial support; responsible to take care of themselves, need not women to worry...though, many people do not agree with me, i still wanna say that finding gf is to make ur life more interesting; for experience; to learn how to communicate; to let them take care of u; to get rid of ur friend, those were really funny....shame on u guys.....
sigh, maybe the main reason i dun have a gf yet is because i still dun have the ability to take care of myself, so i'm lack of self confidence when proceeding girls....but i really glad that i have high self conscious...

-s.a.d a.g.a.i.n-

2007-02-06T10:33:00.000+08:00

suddenly, i felt that i'm back to old dayz, sick and tiring bout lifes, thought that i'll not feel this way again but sigh; this feeling come back to me.....like it's been with me all along
best friends, all of them have their own lifes; friends, think that they know me too well; girl, think that i'm that kinda person when i'm actaully not; stranger, din even know me and judge me....sick of explaining around, while others think that u talk crapz, so the best way not is to remain silence....to be silent is the only way to prove urself, though it takes time......
hate people when they dun believe what i say, hate people that think that i always fooling around, hate people talk bout me as if they know me that well, hate people when they nonsense that wont bring any meaning.....it may sound funny but....some nonsense does have meaning....people think that they know me that well till they say that my words cannot be trusted, so i asked them, when did i bluff them, except when joking...they can't name it out....
sick of being good to people....whether u believe it ernot, crapz bring friends together....but hopefully, from today onward, i'm no longer the same old Mr. niceman..to those who din trust me, dun ask me question and expect me to answer...cuz u din even believe me......

-j.u.s.t a. s.m.i.l.e-

2007-01-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

long story to tell, ever since that day, where i have a really good chat with her, i felt that...i really fell for her ...thinking of her all day long, day and night....but by this week, i realized that, i was nothing to her, just a sand on earth shud best describe of what she think bout me, so tiny and small, and with or without my appearance is nothing to her....by this moment, i know that, i dun have a chance...not even 0.01%...that really make me sad...since i cannot get her, i'll just treat her as the target of life....i also think another way, which is..since i cannot give her happiness, wish that i could c her getting her own happiness....i'm just hoping that someday, she'll give me a smile....a smile of happiness....-

-a b.r.a.n.d. n.e.w o.n.e-

2007-01-03T22:41:00.000+08:00

now that a new year 2007 has come, i have to make a plan for myself....still, i'll still continue with my target, which is to become a better man...i realise something through the year 2006, realise that nobody is reading my blog...i'm writing to the air, which is what i hope the most....but, i wish that i can have someone who agree with my thoughts....
human, is actually the animal that cannot survive on their own..one always suffer for others' behavior or acts, non of them realise that what they're doing is actually causing trouble for others...especially one who are close to them....for example, like staying under one roof, one don't think wise and this will cause trouble to those who think wise....why human is such a selfish creature....even in games also like that...if dun believe try play ryl2 and c....
i started to think alots recently, trying to fix my personality and my acts...realise that i'm on myown, it's time for me to get another part of myself, wonder where will i find...

-m.y t.h.o.u.g.h.t-

2006-12-12T17:45:00.000+08:00

after 1 month since my last blog, i went through many other things that normal people will gone through, and i realise something that i long not known......i have many things to write now but i just do not know how to begin......i still have 6 more days to go for my freedom..i've fight so hard the last 20 years and didn't really have a nice rest..looks like it's time for me to have a good rest...last few weeks, friends celebrated my birthday with me and honestly, i feel nothing...cuz i don't really contribute much to the society and this world is still the same even without me cuz i'm the only sand on a beach of beaches..now, don't feel like playing games anymore and i have my desire and my dream now....now i'm praying for a gal that that quench my thirst and hopefully that gal come real soon...talk about my dream, i wanted create cure for cancer, but not drug, a real cure....hope that i can do it...maybe u will ask, why i don't do cure for aids...this is because those people deserve it...talk about deserve it...damn, those government workers wanted to increase their salary of 40%, and they say they deserve it...well..government staff...not need to discuss..everyone have eyes to see...damn it, i've gone too far from myself...=)
met few gals when i'm working...this month, i spend almost all the time watching all girls that passed by...and i found few that real close to my dream gal....but sadly, they all attached...my heart really feel sour when i know that...i've been too cold to all people and now is the time to fix it all...i'd need to become myself and no other person...i'm tired of chasing one's shadow and now i'll walk on myself...next sem onward...i shall become the new "me" and nothing but me....
recently, i think more than last time...thinking what will i become when i'm graduate.....i still have 1.5 year to go and i still dun have any idea, friends all goin for industrial training and they learned so much and i really regret that i din go for any, but sometimes i'm glad that i didn't go...now that i've realize..i've become the world best friend maker, i called myself that...i can make those that are not so close become close and finally they become best friend and ignored me, i've tried few times before....maybe people say i crap too much but i say by crapping will make relation close...and sometimes i really hate that people think they know me so well and say i everyday also like that one..i really hate that cuz i don't even know what i everyday done and how will u know while u know me just for a short while.....really hate those who like to act pro....cuz i'm already one of them....just like what chinese always say, one mountain cannot hide two tiger....and hate those who're trying to become my shadow....just to let u know that...u sux.don't follow what i've done cuz everyone is themself and do not immitate others...

-b.a.c.k-

2006-11-11T09:29:00.000+08:00

it's been two months i'm missing in action, due to working and exam.......damn tired of last exam, i even have the thought of dun wanna continue study, sigh~ recently me busy of working, work working and working will be my routine....met lot's of pretty chicks but not dare to approach them, scare that i'll be rejected...i've not much to tell now...cuz too much to tell...do u ever get this before, u have too much to tell but dunno when to start...after starting to write, then u got nothing to tell...well...this is my situation now....

-sa.d. f.o.r n.o.t.h.i.n.g-

2006-08-04T19:39:00.000+08:00

dunno why so sad recently, maybe saw too much couple and i still dun have any, watching those pretty ones get tackle and i can do nothing to stop that from happening.....just like the others, hoping to get 1 pretty and good personality gal....but can't find any...dunno where they're hiding...early morning, try to motivated myself by singing a song, i named it, the song of leng lui....having lots of idea to share but when signed in, foget everything...sometimes, really think of walking alone rather than two....focus on study and nothing but study....life seems to be very sad when great couple walk pass....i have nothing to say but to bow my head....pretending not to see them....

-g.i.r.l.s-

2006-07-23T17:30:00.000+08:00

though never really think of havin a girl friend b4, girls, u change my mood...my climax and lowest point of life depend on u, u give me hope and so do taking away it....girls, had become the target of my life, u've changed my active life to inactive, inactive to sad, sad to down and i dunno what's going to be after that...seems like i described too over already....talking bout my life recently, lose all targets, haiz..not feel like start a conversation with anyone, not even in msn, cuz everybody not replying me....sigh....and, not having mood to ask something more than twice...after 2nd time, no mean no...i dun give a damn on it...sick of begging.....i think this is the lowest point in my life...never really got into this kinda situation before...

-s.a.d-

2006-07-16T11:02:00.000+08:00

dont' know why, always feel like writing blog when i come to very sad, lose my target recently after they turned away from me...i become like...lose the target of my life...i have no where else to go except blogger.com...suddenly, become so mature and not feel like fooling around anymore...sad sad me...left no 1 chat with me in msn, left no 1 sms me, left no 1 bother about me, feel like i'm so alone.....friends think i'm fooling around, friends think that i'm pretending, friends think that i'm sick, they don't know me...feel like just sitting in starbucks and pass my whole day there....but i can't, cuz after sit too long i'll get stomachache...no more gals for now, i shall no go for any gal, and shall wait for them to come, no come forever mean forever single, dun give much damn out of it...

sick of chatting and flirting around, feel like not want to on9 for couple of months, cuz getting tired of finding topic to chat, exhausted...dun care so much already...all those pretty one, nothing much i can say to u gals...

-m.e-

2006-07-01T22:20:00.000+08:00

i think i'm back to the silent mode again, not into the mood of crap'ing' anymore, trying not to do that already....some friends of mine still practising that, i have no idea how to continue with their jokes, it dun look like joke for me, cuz i've too much until it become not funny anymore...like to go out yam cha with friends again, though i talk less, but listen to other experiences is just enough...suddenly, my brain started work function normally but still think slow, have no idea what i am now...recently, day dreaming always...think too much until can't finish reading a single page in one day...damn, what've gone into me...really desperate of gal now, why still can't find any...sigh~ have the waiting feeling again, waiting for somebody to get on9, but...trying to sell high and that somebody off9 already....why they just can't msg me first, i really wanted to silent myself...perhapz i've talk too much, on9 too much, till people see me so often and they dun bother about my appearance d.....someday, i will be a better man..looking forward to see the better me-

-h.a.r.d l.i.f.e-

2006-06-17T10:33:00.000+08:00

haiz...sigh again...it's the 5th week already and still i havun start revising yet...my result was bad and trying to do better this sem, but my mind seems to forget this important thing when i study....very lazy- being very naughty these few weeks...trying to flirt around...but, haiz...got limitation..cuz i can't get a chance to flirt with those pretty ones...think of many things to write but when i open this...i forget what i wanna write already..same to last time..haiz--only 1 word to describe me now...haizz---

-a f.r.i.e.n.d "s" o.f m.i.n.e-

2006-06-04T10:39:00.000+08:00

let's talk about a friend of mine, he's really one in a million, omg...he's so "kira"...everything he counted so quickly, wasted cuz he din become accountant, sigh...last time when he's kinda poor, always borrow money from me....and never return....but now....he's kinda rich cuz working already, and now is my turn to become kinda poor, damn, he really forget bout all those that i've done....nvm, the worst thing is, when i ask him to pay for me first and i say that i left 2 bucks left....he paid for me .5 bucks for me, knowing that i havun any money left afer that...sigh...i really hate him when comes to money, never treat anyone b4 after get salary and always expect others to treat him when got salary......
let's forget bout him, another friend of mine, he's very nice guy, always come and fetch few of us when goin out...especially clubbing time, always also he drive, really wish that i can do something for him....but, because of his girlfriend, he had to spend more time with her...and sometimes call him never pick up 1...but really respect him, alot...
another friend of mine, nice person, younger than us, but sometimes thinks more mature than us...he spend alot, dunno how he spend also..haha...maybe mostly on food la...and his driving skill, wah..number 1...always scream when sitting his car....roller coaster mean nothing after sitting his car...
again, another friend of mine, last time, when after spm, he come to fetch us almost everyday because that time only he got car, so now whenever i can drive, i really hope that i can fetch him out....very nice yet stubborn, just like me....that's why we kept argue when coming out...nvm, just to share some thoughts...but sometimes, he said that others are selfish but he never really think of his own probs, he's kinda wannabe sometimes...and yet he can say people look like wannabe...
another friend of mine, really nice but yet a lil bitchy...haha....very nice and really know how to take care of gals, and friends as well...straight forward sometimes and hurt people alwayz....always refuse to go out late, cuz of family business, we'd forgive him....yesterday his birthday, went celebrate with him, took alot of pics...gonna claim from him sooner or later....
another friend of mine....very nice and really care bout friends, he got the look and money, though i not really that close with him....i know that he do not act like other popular guy even he's popular...always get attention from gals....many admirers, and is the person that others wanna be like...
these are all my good fren from klang...really hope that i can spend more time with them-

-c.a.r.z-

2006-05-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

my fren, all rich fella, all their mom buying them a car, so jealous...but what can i do, my mom just dowan to buy me a car...but, without car is quite ok also, cuz, u dun have to drive...and u just sit in the car and let other people drive u to the destination, just sometimes it might be a bit troublesome....nowadayz, cars everywhere, traffic jam everywhere, accident, hah~ all the time....the probabilty of getting an accident depends on how often u drive the car....but some drivers are very careful, they never bump into any cars, but, others will do...and still, u will get into accident....perhapz i'm trying to say bad things about cars because i dun have a chance to get a car...maybe it's correct or maybe this is what most parents thinking of.....sometimes, when people dun have the things they want, they will dream of it, but when they possess that thing, they will get bored somedayz..just like some people, they have own car but they lazy to drive out.....as for other people, they wanted to drive so badly that they drive parents' car all day long....even volunteer to fetch their younger bro or sis- to all the drivers out there, all the best-

-h.o.l.i.d.a.y.z-

2006-04-29T08:43:00.000+08:00

it's been 4 months and after exam, finally holiday....but holiday for 3 weeks only....i'll leaving for redang tomolo and i hope that everything will go fine....here, there's something that bother me, what will a life of a man be if he know that he just left 3 months of life....for me, i'll think that this world really disappoint me, things is just not fair....well, that's the place we call earth...human is human, never perfect, though some of them try to be but sooner or later, u will find that they still care for themselves...Now, i'm goin to be a year two student and i've completed 1/3 of the degree, everyone ask, what will u become after u graduate...well, i have no answer for that...cuz i dun even understand what i'm studying for, i just know that study is investment...what i wanna become? maybe a guy just sitting around shaking legs...but, actually i realise that be a doctor is not bad, if i have this ambition when i'm still a kid, i would've study hard, but now...i'm hanging on the air...sigh, really admire those people who can study well and play well, they use their time wisely, unlike me...can only do 1 thing in a time...these few weeks, i almost break my self-concept,i think of having a girlfriend, but yet, i know myself, i'm unwanted, i think of what will people think when i really have a car that time, i only got my first love..will people laugh?or maybe that time, girls will become harder to tackle....i really have to think this seriously..and 1 more thing, izzit bad to know a pretty girl that u met on the street? what will that girl think of your first impression...think, before action taken....

-g.i.r.l f.r.i.e.n.d-

2006-03-31T16:23:00.000+08:00

many are wondering, why i dun have any girl friend, izzit cuz i've too high expectation, or i have but i din let them know, or izzit i'm gay...haha...actually....i can't even take care of myself and how m i suppose to take care of my love one...if really love her then i shudn't let her take care of me....it's my responsibility to bring happiness to her, not to make her sad....well..everyone have a target, my target is to get a car or have sufficient income before having one...i know it will take a century but i dun care...i don want my love one to suffer with me...look at the others, borrowing money, handphones, or other things just because they spend all theirs on their girl friend, sadly, their parents give them money to eat and they give more so that they can save it...but who knows, they spend it unwisely.....i always wanted to become the wise man, so i think alot...sometimes i'd think of not necessary thing and after think twice, i'll be back to the correct trail...

-f.e.e.l.i.n.g.s-

2006-03-31T16:12:00.000+08:00

it's been 3 months i dun post up any blog, this is because this semester i really busy, and i learn more about myself either. i know what i really like and what i dun like....last time, when i was very young, i dun pass up homework and finally i know what's the reason, it's the reason and not the excuse...this is because i dun like to hold things to very long...if the tasks are given today then it shall be done by today, after that day, i will not look at the tasks anymore until the day that i need to pass up...i finally know that i hate those who say wanna do something but at last they're not doing it...or they do the opposite thing, recently, i just bought a computer and i'm trying to install the windows and other software, and, i ask my fren for a little help and u know what he said? he say he's very busy with exam or test, and he ask me to leave the computer and wait till after exam...then i'm kinda pissed off already because he's not studying at all...then i try not to talk to him but yet, he come and ask me why i'm so fadup, then i tell him then if dowan help then go away, dun find lame excuse, if not doing now, what for i buy now...after finish installing all the software, u know what, he's actually using my computer to play games..this really got me pissed off....saying and doing the opposite thing....but still, he's good fren of mine, and i talk to him back later.

--d.o.t..a--

2005-11-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

damn pissed off, today when i'm playing dota, my teammate is so noob until i tell them what to do and the dowan to listen...they even buy item for the opponent...if i know who they're i'll sure kick their asses...dunno why those guys are so irritating...damn..i've posted the replay and dunno will the gm ban them ernot..hopefully will ban their ip as well..make them can't play at home...i'm that bad...i've given them chance but they dun appreciate..this kinda people really annoyed me....so i wanna play dota again..cioz...

-j.u.s.t m.e-

2005-10-22T19:47:00.000+08:00

everyday, looking at the phone, it never ring, after checking history, found that juse i'm calling others, no one bother to call me, was it that i'm too good to ask them out for gathering? i promised myself that i will not call them out already, cuz i dun have such a 'thick' face...they're forgetting me, even i've take them as good friend last time, i also dunno what i'm waiting now.....so sad- told everyone that i'm working at klcc and no one come to find me...is this what friend is for? start from this moment, they're consider stranger to me...and i shall treat them as one-

-s.a.d-

2005-09-29T09:21:00.000+08:00

After awake from dreamz, a new day has come, all the things happend just a few hours ago had become memories...some might be sweet and some are not...a friend that u laugh with is no longer ur good friend..a promise of a friend will no longer be fulfill...people are sleeping while u're not..u look at them how they waste their time sleeping...some to 12pm and some to 3 or 4pm...sometimes they even ask u..how u manage ur time so well...let's talk about a friend of mine...he try to be friend with everyone...and left those old friends behind....he was last time a good friend but now...i can hardly know what's happening to him...we used to talk till the middle of the night and we always spend time together...that's before he start college...after he's in college, he never call me out or maybe he think too much...he thought that we be friends with him just wanted to get benefits from him...so now, i've consider that i lost a friend...everything happens, is now...memories...

-o.b.j.e.c.t-

2005-09-21T15:00:00.000+08:00

things on this earth will not be perfect forever, the shape will change, if the shape doesn't change, the inner part will..from a stranger, to friends who play around with, then to good friends who share all the secrets, then to friend who dun talk much, to stranger that din't see each other...this cycle came across to many people nowadayz, friendship will not last forever anymre, friendship is just like an object, no longer a feeling that bind people together....friendship will rotten and to the worst situation, friends, will become enemies...object on this earth cannot be brought to heaven, it start here and it will end here....so, we mustn't let friendship be an object...some people this that having alot of friends is something that should be proud of, and they could devide their time to spend with those friends equally, but, but this is actually nothing compare to havin just a few good friends that understand u well and will stand up for u if u're in trouble...some people even very proud when saying that they got many friends ask them out..this is actually leading to hatred from some other people...but i din say that having alot of friends is not good...by havin "friends" is just good enough, dun try to be good friends to everyone..or else, in the end, u gain nothing....

-t.i.m.e-

2005-09-19T21:42:00.000+08:00

time, is the most precious...u must be wondering why time pass without knowing...i tell u the reason why, sometimes, u wish that the time can pass by faster and sometimes u wish that u could slower down time...actually this can happen...but, you are not the only person in this earth with this wish...there are billions or trillions people make wishes at the same time u wish, and to balance it all, time couldn't be change...i've spend most of my time doin nothing..sometimes i really regret and i wish that i've used that time to do something that will carry lots of meaning to the society and also to myself...sleeping is actually a waste of time to me...if u sleep too much, u will miss the time to have fun with all ur friends and also, u will miss alot of interesting stuff...well, i dun have the right to talk about time here because me myself also can't manage my time very well-

-s.m.o.k.i.n.g. b.r.a.t.s-

2005-09-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

to smoke is an attempt to achieve some temporarily, short duration happiness or so called "high"....but this short term of happiness eventually shorten ur life and will make u suffer worst than any other people...i say that all the smokers are brats...this apply to most of the smokers...especially addicted ones....i say that they r brats cuz smoking is not a good action to do...it bring lesser harm to u but it harm those around u the most...smokers are brainless cow...they think of their own benefits only....i got a few friends...gosh..they sux, they even blow the smoke to my face which i hate the most...so sohai- so i try to get rid of them and do not call them out..and guess what...they ain't callin me either..this make me so free and i have time to write more blogs...haha...and, those who smoke when they dun have any income from job, not income from parents, they're so call pai ka...cuz they spend all their money buying cigarettes...and what is worst, when they dun have money, they share to buy one pack, a small pack..they sux, looks like begger from my point of view..i do not want to scold them cuz i still take them as my friend...if i told them, they lost a friend and i lost friends....so i want them to know by themselves, hopefully they realise it before it's too late...why the government do not want to ban cigarettes from reaching our country...malays is brainless cuz they dun eat pork...if they've ban the cigarettes, lesser people will die...God put us into this earth to test us, whoever is tempted by satan, they'll sin, and they'll lose contact to God...so we must be ready and have self concious and the most important is...the word of God.....

-w.h.a.t i.s f.r.i.e.n.d-

2005-08-26T15:21:00.000+08:00

A friend, is the hardest thing to get....maybe many of u will say that u have alot of friends..but hate to tell u that u're actually wrong...a friend is a person who will help u when u r in trouble and will comfort you when you're down and will neva betray you...a friend will be by your side whether u having tough time or when having fun...if u have that kind of friend...do anything to maintain ur friendship...as return..you must treat them the way they treated you..a fine weather friend is those friend that play around with you, having fun, but when u r in trouble...they just take care of themselves...as long as they din get in trouble..they'll be the first to flee...and when they have trouble..they'll come to you and ask for help..dunno why they're born with such a thick face..sometimes..when u feel so lonely and u r in ur room alone..if just happen that a person call u out for a tea, u'll feel comfort and u will really appreciate that person...this is the feel that i've lost...i'm use to being alone...they din bother to call me...everytime they call me out..they're up to something...for example, they wanted to borrow money...mostly all the the time....or they wanted me to drive them along, or when they need to pump petrol...i dunno why they got me pissed off...now...i never call them anymore....there's alwayz a silver lining on the grey clouds, which mean when bad things happen, a good thing will come as well..in return, i've found a few friends...thx GOD...

-t.h.i.n.g.s t.h.a.t i w.a.n.t t.o d.o-

2005-08-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

everyone have their own purpose of living...and we live in this earth is to complete the tasks that GOD give us...well..we study hard, since we're still a child...is for the future...so that we can complete those given tasks...but as we grow up...and after we grow up...we'll regret if we do not enjoy ourself in the process of growing...and something, cannot be done when we're adults...i really wish to do a few things that is special so that i could tell this to my children..if only i have children...some people...they hate walking..this is because they can't wait to reach the destination...and walking is tiring....but if u walk with a very relax mind and do not care about the time...and also the destination...u'll find that walking is an interesting thing to do....and i also wish that i could sit on the grass and looking at the sky with the clouds shedding me....lestening to the sound of the wind as it blow...feel as the wind pass throught ur face....i also wish that i have the time to sit down infront of my house in rainny day..looking around as the furface of the earth was cleansed by the rain...and sound of the rain is so melodic...someday, i hope to go overseas and carry a bag of clothes...without any money....travelling around the country, with the help of the people there...work for them as return...and by this...hope that i'll be more knowledgable...

--j.u.s.t m.e--

2005-08-25T20:23:00.000+08:00

i like to be alone when i want to be alone...like to be alone most of the time...this is because i've seen the most ungly side of human's nature....i wish that i'll not become one of them, and also hope that i'm one of them...sometimes when i play too much, i lose myself..i'll do something that i dun expect i'll do and i will regret for few days maybe..or few weeks...for the worst...few years...every person that i've met, they all having the same characteristics...i hope that they'll be more special in some way but they really disappoint me....for some people...i think that i've known them well but actually not..this make me sick...dunno why everytime i think that i can be good friends with some people and in a flash, they turn away from me....i try no to blame them but to blame myself...why can't i be more open minded and dun be so serious with them....sometimes..when u make the first step to be nice with them and did not care so much on the small things, they'll be worst...some times i really hate them...they just come to me when they have problems..when they're having fun...i will alwayz not around...then later..they find excuses that u'll neva expect..

-f.o.r.e.v.e.r ?-

2005-08-19T20:34:00.000+08:00

nothing last forever...dun be silly and think that friendship or bf and gf relationship will last forever....everything is just crap..it's "temporarily forever"...after some time, you'll know that what i said is true...no matter how good u and the other person are, you'll be enemy someday then, maybe you both will be friend again but your relation will not be as close and the past...so i advise you all to take consideration of all things...dun just look at the things infront u...but..you still have to appreciate and cherish what people had done...see, observe, think, look at the consequences, think again, then only act....

c.o.n.d.i.t.i.o.n

2005-07-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

Now i would like to talk about my shitty friends, damn, they dunno how to become a good friend, which mean, they din even know a condition to become a man, they're just like kids fooling around and they think that everybody thinks like a kid..i dunno what's in their mind..they'll come to you when they got no friends to be with or when they need help....i have few experiences before...when they went out for a drink, or play or when comes to girls, they neva bother about you..then when they need a ride, or something which u can go mostly benefits them, they'll come to you...i have enough and after thinking, i think that this people dun deserves to be my friend...in their mind, they just wanted to play..and they lived to play...nothing more....i wonder how their parents feel and do they ever feel guilty for spending their parents' money playing...

-t.h.e r.e.a.s.o.n-

2005-05-10T09:23:00.000+08:00

this website is the only place where i can give all my comments and nobody can argue with me here...i think nobody knows that i have written some blogs here....sometimes...somethings are not suppose to be said to a friend..so i think it's a wise choice that i choose here as the place where i can tell all my opinion about other's life....do u guyz know something?when u wanna criticize a thing or a person...u must be better thatn that person..if no...it'll be like a kettle calling a pot black...this is the concept...i look down on that kind of person...

-m.y. f.r.i.e.n.d.s-

2005-05-09T07:12:00.000+08:00

i dunno bout all of u but for me...i alwayz put friendship at the second place after my family...then oni comes girls...that's why many people c me as i m very lansi (action) kind of people...especially girls...but actually...i'm paying more attention to the male friends..because...female friends is also friends but they dun seem to understand ur problem sometimes...and no matter what..they alwayz win...haha...and the biggest problem is....female friends will not be by ur side forever...while male friends will...this is what i think la...besides...when u alwayz mix with female friends....other people will look down on you..say that u r desperate for girls...haizzz...normally...i'll stick to my closer friends rather talking to girls...so not to say that female friends is not friend...but then...depends how close u r to me.....-endz-

-s.i.l.l.y m.e-

2005-04-25T15:22:00.000+08:00

Remember last time..back in when i was in secondary school....i was a simple and naive person...well...i wanna tell u a story of mine...that time...i still remember that....i admire a girl...i do not know her name...but finally....someone intro her to me but since then...i neva really talk to her....then....a friend of mine tell me that he got her phone number...but then..i dun have the guts to call...at that moment...i got her icq number...i wait for her to on9 every friday....that is kinda silly huh....that time...no matter how sleepy i am..i still stay awake till the time that girl on9....well...this become the history when i found that the girl never bother to chat wid me...but after some times....another friend told me that he is in the same tuition class with her...then...i go to that tuition center also...but then i found out that...i dun suppose to be there....so i change the tuition.....and till now.....i believe that the feelings i have on her is already become the memory in my life...since then...i never admire anyone again......

s.e.l.f--c.o.n.c.e.p.t

2005-04-21T13:30:00.000+08:00

self concept is a concept that u stick to yourself...maybe some other people will say that u r stubborn or what....well..if u take people's advices into ur consideration, that mean that u r not stubborn at all...but..sometimes...people expect u to give immediate response which normally a normal person will not give...well..in your own life..there is some things that u believe is right no matter what people say....this is call the attitude...attitude is very important in building a person's personality..with personality, people will show respect to u...this is the respect that every need and suppose to have....sometimes...being a simple minded is also a good personality.....and besides, playing dumb is also a way to know what people are thinking or what is the next step of that person...that's all i think for now..and people..please do believe in reciprocal behavior...maybe life isn't that great to you for now, but...look at the world at the other side..u will find that your life is so amazing...

m.y - l.i.f.e

2005-02-22T15:34:00.000+08:00

well, this is what i'm goin to say about my life.....
i'm a guy who do things simple...though, i have many friends last time....but they seem to change to another guy due to they all wanted faces.....which is what i think is fake...they act 1 kind of behaviour when they're not happy of something....but i dun...because i do not wanna make things complicated...soon...they think that i'm scare of them.....sigh...and when they going out...they neva really wanted to invite ppl....they jst wait for ppl to invite them....when comes 1 day, a friend of mine tell me that what is actually happening...i felt that these gang of ppl is no longer friends to me....what is a real friend....a real friend is not that kinda friend who act cool infont you and try to keep their face by acting in 1 kind of behaviour....as a friend, that friend should put a side all that nonsense and treat others sincere....and...these few days i realise that i only got a few new friends left....the old friends have change and they are no longer my friends.....as a christian, i know that we should help ppl without expecting any repay but now....i have enough.....everytime when i go out, i'll call them and invite them.....but at last...i found out that everytime we go out together is the time i invite them...if i did not invite them, they will not ask me out....besides...when i go out, sumtimes i ask them what they wanna eat and i buy for them....but when comes to me, they neva ask....i have really enough with this fake life....from now onwards...i'll be jst like them infront of them....treating my old friends how they treated me.....and...there are really some friendship that need to be treasured....